Fun new things

So many things have changed since I was last regularly writing but lets focus on one of the outward differences: I wear a head covering whenever I am outside of my house and only my partner and immediate family see my hair.

This is todays wrap. I use anything from a long, thin scarf to a pashmina to a snood or a triangular neckerchief and anything in between and wear them over a cap or a headband with velvet to help keep the tichel from slipping off. I also wear a baseball cap if I need to shade my eyes while playing sport but yesterday it was a snood with my golfing visor over it and it looked good!

Why? Because my partner is the head of our household and I wear this to honour him as such. Because the Bible tells us to pray without ceasing and that a woman’s head should be covered when in prayer. Because I used to live a very…open…lifestyle and I like preserving an outward part of me only for my family. Because, when I wear it, I can feel my partner hugging me, keeping me loved, safe and protected, and I love that feeling.

This was my idea and I discussed it at length with D before I started wearing my hair covered at the end of August. In this area, many families are Russian Orthodox and those ladies wear their hair covered and dress modestly. Every time I would see one of them, I would think about how nice they looked and how special it was that they kept that part of them reserved for their family unit. I liked the idea of ‘separate’ parts of me, especially as an introvert in an extrovert work role and there is something very special about taking my hair down at the end of the day and being wholly present with my family. Wearing my hair covered just…feels RIGHT for me. I feel closer to God, D and my family as a whole and that can never be bad.

There is a whole world of wrapping out there, and Wrapunzel is AMAZING. Andrea G had the first videos I found; by far the best and most helpful, and she’s created a wonderful community and resource with the site. Even if you are just looking for a high-quality scarf, I’d suggest visiting.

I also started wearing something else in the past few weeks too…

And my happiness and contentedness continues to overflow!

Self-Care

Two posts in less than a week! I feel like I am off to a good start with this re-blogging 🙂 (She says before other things took priority and now its been longer than that…)

One of the things that I learned over the course of the last year is that I need to take care of myself better (read: at all). Not to the exclusion of anyone, more as a “You can’t pour from an empty cup” or “You can’t save anyone from drowning if you aren’t breathing yourself” kinda way.

I spent a large part of the last decade assisting M to deal with PTSD and other issues to the extent that I didn’t realise how much situation managing and administrating that I did every day and for all situations, in and out of the house. The short answer is: All Of Them. As a result, I had nothing left in my tank for myself and just accepted that that’s what it was and prayed that someday it would get better for him and then for me. In the end, I had an empty cup and couldn’t breath and I’ve spent the last year recovering.

And then add my new life situation where now I’m the bonus parent to 3 boys when I haven’t had children before…well, lets just say that “Learning Experience” is quite possibly an understatement. I just spent Sunday coordinating ALL the laundry and house deep cleaning and spraying all the soft things that can’t be moved because of a house-wide lice infestation brought from the other house. Super fun. But guess what? Once you get past all the ick factor of lice, it wasn’t bad. Really.

We talked, as a family, because #1 was upset that it was #2’s fault because #2 (and #3) is 50/50 with us/their mom and frustrated because, truly, who wants bugs in their hair? We discussed feelings and frustrations and treatment and how much work it was going to be and what we all were going to do to tackle where we were in the moment and for the rest of the day. And we did it. All of it. And it was a LOT. I made chili in the Insta-pot and it was DEVOURED along with the cornbread. All the clothes were washed – Thank Goodness for the local laundromat and their HUGE washers making this job so much easier. I didn’t sit down for anything from 9am until 7.

No one yelled at anyone. No one got snippy until the VERY end and that was hanger more than anything and dinner was being served. Everyone helped with all the things. Eyes were open and everyone looked for ways to help before sitting down and being “done” or saying that there wasn’t anything else to do. We acknowledged that we were all tired and doing more than what we expected to be doing on a Sunday and that it wasn’t a great deal of fun…but it was okay and we did it and it was good because we did it together. There was no ‘fault’, just functioning family. No anger, just acceptance and moving forward together because what else can you do right then?

So where does self-care come in? I had a well-deserved Bloody Mary while I had my hair being combed out because I had little not-friends too. Because I have been rebuilding myself over the last year, I had the mental space to work as a team with my family because I felt supported and acknowledged for what I was tackling in the home for all of us. #1 and #2 felt supported and acknowledged for the TONNES of laundry that they were doing and not doing any of the fun things they normally are doing to relax on a Sunday afternoon. D felt supported and acknowledged for being the one out at the laundromat and being the pack horse between the two…and having to go back again since the laundromat could do a cycle in 37 minutes and our home washer took 1:15 to do the same thing. We all went to bed early but went to bed happy for a full days work and feeling good about ourselves and each other. We cared for ourselves and for our family as we battled the wee beasties and reclaimed our home together. Self-care at its finest.

Challenge and Response

Welcome to my blog. It’s a good blog and has been around for a while but I, over the last few years, have not. I make attempts to get back into it and then feel overwhelmed with all that has happened that I feel I need to catch you, my dear reader, up on that then I just…stop.

So here we go again because that’s what we do – we carry on despite challenges; we gird our loins and dive in; we leap, knowing that we soar and even if we don’t land where we intended, its still better than staying with our feet firmly planted or scared to move. Faith in those that truly love us makes us brave and bold. Faith that we have experienced things and know our own mind and heart makes us strong and secure. Faith of a better day today than yesterday because we put in the work and the time.

This is my Answer year. Actually, its my Answer year part 2. See, I just had my 42nd birthday and, as we all know, the Answer to life, the universe and everything is 42. But how do we really count ‘years’? We honestly count them AFTER they have already happened. I didn’t just start my 42nd year on this earth, I just completed it, but that’s not how most people think so I’m calling this my Answer Year part 2…primarily because my first version was so big that it deserves a second go-round.

Breif Synopsis of Answer Part 1: 2 days before my birthday I admitted to myself that I could not go another year around the sun in an unhappy marriage and I asked M for a divorce. I felt like I was drowning while doing all the saving and I couldn’t keep on swimming. It was as amicable as it could be with broken dreams and emotions high but I truly feel it was and will be the best thing for both of us. All I will say further on this is that, in the end, M left with Han while Mochi and Clutch stayed with me. I do think about him and hope he is well because all I ever wanted to give him, to grow in him, was happiness. In nearly 13 years, I learned that you can’t always be pouring from your cup into someone else’s and still have anything to drink for yourself. It was a hard and painful lesson.

During this process, I reconnected with a childhood friend that I hadn’t seen or spoken with for 30 years, nearly to the day, and we started talking daily. He was going thru a divorce too and there are kids and it was not nearly as amicable as mine, however, having a friend who truly knew what I was going thru, who understood what being lonely while being married was like, was a great source of strength. We talked. A LOT. And found in each other a partner like never before.

During all of this, I was planning and working on my career future…I was working closely with my leadership and advancing myself, I had great mentorship and I felt really supported and like I was with a great company, fabulous people and was part of an amazing team…

And then the company that I was working for sold the building that I was working in to a company with a far less than stellar reputation. A great business deal for the owner, to be sure, but completely devastating to my anticipated career path and I felt that I couldnt ethically stay with the new company.

And, in typical SisuGirl fashion, I made a change. A big one.

I moved from Washington to Oregon in April.

I moved from a house on acreage outside of town to a duplex in town.

I left work in WA with a company that I couldn’t respect to work with a small company run facility that I loved that wasn’t the right fit either and left that job after 6 weeks because the same job opened with a company that I really love right in my new town, literally blocks away from my home.

I went from rock/alt rock to modern country.

I went from being 6 states away from ‘family’ to being in the same town as (some of) them.

I went from seeing ‘family’ maybe once a year to seeing them weekly.

I went from being single with dogs and no human children to being not single with dogs and 3 boys.

I went from looking to escape into Social Media – Instagram was my drug of choice- to quitting and enjoying books and knitting as part of daily life once again.

I moved from missing my faith and feeling the gap to being part of a community again and feeling great joy at being fulfilled with devotion.

I stopped drowning as I tried to help others swim, swam better than I have in years and now joined a team that feels like I should have ‘always’ been a part of it.

And all this before my Answer Year began. So now I am feeling a bit more settled. A bit more like I have a handle on what days look like and what I expect of myself in this new life that I am learning to lead. And, yes, I know how riddiculous it sounds, that I have a handle on life as a 42 year old woman who has never had children stepping into the lives of boys 15, 12 and 10, not to mention their fathers life…

Hence, dear reader, I am back. Back to blog, back to getting my thoughts out of my head and onto space where I can see and read and hopefully understand things better as I work it out as I write. I don’t know what this is going to look like, I just know that in the last year, I have reclaimed more of “SISUGIRL” than I have felt in years and I am happier now then I have been in ages and I want to share my joys, my challenges – self-inflicted and life, and my thoughts with you. I hope you come back for more.

Current Favourites

Today, I wanted to share with you my current list of things I am fanatical about. Its a varied list so enjoy what you will and leave the rest 🙂 There are NO affiliated links to anything though if you go thru Amazon, do consider shopping thru Amazon Smile so that a percentage of your purchase can go to the charity of your choice.

Hydrojug. Yes, I have multiple water bottles. But none before like this. (And I have 2)

My #1: This 64oz capacity absolute beauty is the pinnacle of water bottleage. This version is a stainless steel, double walled version that keeps the water cold for hours and hours…but it doesn’t last that long. The lid has a built in straw – it comes out for cleaning – so you don’t have to tilt the bottle to drink from it and you even can pour from it without removing the straw. It has a large handle too so carrying it is a breeze, even when full. For me, this is perfect and I am 100% happy with this purchase.

#2 is the plastic version of #1…sorta. The body shape is different, the handle is actually built into the bottle itself and, intelligently, the lid threading offsets the drinking spout from the handle so you can lift and tilt and, in my case, pour water all over yourself/drink. I purchased straws to go along with my bottle and they worked nearly perfectly. Perfectly as straws, not so perfectly because they weren’t totally made for my bottle, you know? They had to bend to be tucked into the bottle, not grossly so, but still. And the lid leaked something fierce. Not huge gushes of water but steady leaking and 64oz leaking is a LOT to leak into your bag or car or anywhere it has fallen to the side. Not a huge fan. The carrying bag though, that was smart. It has pockets and a strap and a nice cut out for the handle. Made from neoprene so it could help insulate your bottle and keep it colder for longer, it felt nice to my hands and it was great to have a place I could tuck my huge phone, a Samsung Note, and it be safe from falling out. While my fancy new bottle doesn’t have an extendible strap or pockets for my phone, it does fit inside the carrying bag, if I wanted to use them together. But my bottle is exceedingly pretty with the matte black bottle with glossy black leopard spots on it so I’m not going to cover that up.

I love large water bottles, going back to college and my Nalgene bottles. There is something that I really like about the ‘challenge’ of drinking “ALL” of the bigger bottles that I just don’t get with smaller, more bag friendly bottles. And its a laziness factor too, I just don’t want to be bothered by having to get the bottle refilled multiple times in a day. This way, I can just fill it twice and be all set! To be honest, the downside is the size though as there will NEVER be a cup holder for a car that accommodates this bugger so I use my 40oz Hydroflask for my car water and refill that one every other day.

To those worried about my drinking too much water – I promise, I’m not guzzling both at once, just working my way thru them steadily thru the day and my goal is perfectly in line with recommended volume for my weight and activity level.

My Pet Chicken. This is a website about, well, chickens and their supplies. M and I are starting our flock with 10 of their birds and I’ll share more about them in two weeks or so once they arrive. These are PET chickens to be found on this site and they see layer chickens as pets. Thankfully they have a lower minimum order number, only 3, and that is a great way to start. Now I ordered 10 (3 different varieties) but still, I like the lower minimum!* They have all different types of layer chickens and I really like how they describe and sort their chickens for those of us who are looking for a colourwheel of eggs. Oh, and they also have ducks and geese on the site…and we will have ducks and geese in May 🙂 For meat chickens, one needs to go to another site…

McMurray Hatchery has ALL the birds you are looking for, even the ones you didn’t know about. Because of their, to me, quite high minimum ordering number, only meat chickens have come from here. Our meat flock will be here in June

Backyard Chickens is forums and, while not a member yet, I have found the advice and tips here to be wonderful.

And now I am headed to SEATAC for a flight to Salt Lake City for training with my new company, another thing on my “really liking” list. I made a good decision to join them. More from the road…provided I can hang on to my phone this time thru SLC…

* Behold, Chicken Math beginning and they aren’t even here yet…

Progress

Today we took a step towards more self sufficiency and a big one, in general, towards a happy homesteadsy life: Birds have been ordered!

From McMurray Hatchery: 15 Jumbo Cornish X Rocks – fast growing meat birds, a straight run (male and females) and the boys should be ready in about 8/9 weeks and the girls 10/12.  This is a test to see if we can REALLY do this – grow our own meat.  They should be here the week of June 20.

From My Pet Chicken: Layer chickens- 4 Ameraucanas, 4 Easter Eggers and 2 Silver Lace Marans. Green eggs, blue eggs and super dark brown eggs, I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am for all of these.  Shipping April 18th

Also from MPC: Layer Ducks! 2 Silver Appleyard, 2 Cayuga and 2 Welsh Harlequins.  All girls to avoid that super fun male duck…issue when it comes to mating.  Google it yourself.   We also have 2 Embden gosling coming too. They are all going to have such fun around the pond! May 18th ship week.

We are going to have a great next few months as it continues to get warmer and warmer around here. Next steps: Getting the garden ready!

Home front: Painting! I finally painted my bedroom and guest/Mums room and the hallway so we are major steps closer to being settled. So happy to be making this house a home.

Hypocritical

As I was wandering aimlessly thru my internet-driven spaces wasting time that I really don’t think that I have, feeling that I should be more productive and generally feeling like I could be…”Better”, I realised that I was more annoyed than anything that my favourite blogger didn’t have a new post for me to read.

And then I realised that I hadn’t written anything in far, far more than a ‘short’ while. So here we go with my stones for those birds:

Greetings Internet, It is I, once again making this space my home. So very much has happened over the course of the forever that its been since I made this space my home that I’m not sure where to start…and I think that’s the rub and my block, as it were, to blogging again. I want to catch you up on all the things but that seems like such a mountain to climb that I’m not even going to climb, I’ll just enjoy the view from basecamp while I sum up the last…wow, 2 years. And that’s part of the issue too, I, like many of us, feel like I have lost the last 2 years. I was all kinds of excited that here I was on the 1 year anniversary of getting my Nursing Home Administrators license in Washington and its actually 2 years.

In very brief: 2019: Finished my Administrator in Training (AIT) program in WA in January, AIT-lead a facility in Tacoma until March when I sat for my license and earned it on 3/17/19 – totally a lucky day for me! Packed for Denver CO the next weekend and spent the next 7 months in Colorado, first in Denver then in Boulder covering for their open spots in HR and generally learning how those different building ran well and how they didn’t. I learned a lot about myself and HR and from a few really good administrators that I appreciate greatly their time and encouragement. I then went to Vancouver WA for the last week of November and whole of December and got to learn from ANOTHER amazing NHA who encouraged me to look outside of our region and to develop myself in another market. Great advice and I followed it across the country. Literally.

In longer summary, I lived out of my car for 3 month, driving an hour to work every day and working generally 12 hour days and rarely getting to do any of my normal fun things or enjoying my partner and fur kids and when I was getting excited about a change of pace once licensed…well, it DID change. I then spent the next 9 months living out of my suitcase, paying exorbitant rates to park my new car, bought in November 2018 – Toyota Rav 4 Hybrid with less than 20k miles on it, in airport parking for generally 2 weeks at a time, figuring ways to finagle my expense account so I didn’t have to eat “out” all the time, learning new buildings with new state regulations, only seeing my family only for weekends every 2 weeks at a time because of work coverage and, oh yeah, COVID. In Skilled Nursing Homes.

COVID-19 entered my world in March when a nurse reported on Wednesday that she had been exposed by her child over the weekend and he just reported to her that he was just tested positive. Turns out it was a totally false report by her child but it was the first time I got to call family members to report the facility was in lock down, got to pass out paper bags to have staff store their PPE in, got to scramble to find N95 masks ANYWHERE in our region because we, in the 8 years at that point I had been working in Healthcare, NEVER were fit tested for N95s because we didn’t take TB patients and surgical masks were and are part of the PPE you wear around a resident with the ‘Flu. “Normal” changed that day for me and hundreds of others and thus began the lessons in Resilience. I was able to teach others but also learned myself and it has made me, as all difficult and truly good lessons are, better.

In Very Brief: 2020: January saw me still in Vancouver WA and saying goodbye to my dearest Sisu for the final time and packing for my move across the country. February found me driving across the country to Maryland with my sister, setting up an apartment, Ikea shopping and beginning a new job with the same company. March thru July was filled with getting my feet under me, making new friends, realizing how totally different the East coast is from the West and bonding with Mochi. July also found me buying a home, packing once again, selling a home, and, again, driving across the country back to WA and ANOTHER new job, this time with a different company…but made up of old friends. August found me beginning my new job as a Nursing Home Administrator and moving into the new house and small farm that we had bought and the learning has been constant from that point onwards. Oh yeah, and COVID continues with a whole new round of learning MD regulations, re-learning WA regs because they changed a LOT from January, and the inevitable first outbreak at my new facility.

In summary: January sucked. The hardest thing in the world was saying goodbye to Sisu and I still cry now thinking about her. She was in a lot of pain but was so strong and brave to try not to show us but we could see it and the toll it took on her just to move that we had to help her cross the rainbow bridge. I miss her every day. Every day. February was hard too because I packed my things and Mochi, who doesn’t like car rides, and left M and the boys and my house and moved to Towson, Maryland for my new job as an Assistant Administrator. Talk about a big decision. The plan was for me to get my license in MD and then my own building and then a house and THEN the boys would come to join me. Clutch being a pit mix made apartment hunting with him impossible anywhere close to my new job and I didn’t want to play with traffic so he had to stay behind. And then the Board of Administrators came into play and the 6 months MAX plan that had been expected was totally tossed out the window and it became the 18 month plan and I was NOT willing to do that. They wanted me to do an AIT program all over again. Literally the same. exact. thing. I. did. before. Seriously. No. I really was not a fan of the East coast. Granted, I had a LOT of things going on and I was there on my own with no support network or friends and making friends when you are the #2 boss and working 12-4 hour days is really hard. I didn’t really want to stay where I was for another 18 months. I had an excellent hiking trail system that Mochi and I loved but that was the saving grace of the area. Thankfully, in 2019, I had applied for a position with another company and while I didn’t get that job, I remembered the company and found a position to apply for in WA and blindly did. I got a call from the Regional in Washington who happened to used to work for my then company who also was a mentor to my mentor Laura who she had gotten my phone number from. She asked me if I was really interested in coming back to WA and would I be interested in being an Administrator for a small building in Raymond WA. I had to look Raymond up but yes, I was interested. Very, Very interested. Please and Thank You. So we began the process of applying and interviewing and interviewing and interviewing and I got the job! I gave a months notice and began house hunting from across the country which is so not a thing I would recommend doing and packed and moved once again. Mochi still didn’t like the car trip. When I got here we began packing the Shelton house and I began commuting to work in August. Thankfully we closed on the house on the 12th and moved in over the weekend and have been settling in to both the job and home nicely. Hiccups for sure but this is a good place for us to grow in what is important to us, both work and personally.

2022: Work wise, its been a whirlwind. I had good beginning for January and then came to a screeching halt for the ENTIRE month of February due to an Omicron COVID outbreak in the facility staff and then the residents. It was a long time but handled well by everyone; family, staff and myself. We are recovering and rebuilding census and just waiting for survey to come in so we can resume normalcy once again.

On the home front we are planning our garden and need to order the chickens that we want to have for the year, both meat and layers. M has taken some time off work and in focusing on the house and getting things ready for the season. I’m excited to be in a place where chickens are a possibility, the garden is going to be amazing and all the new adventures we get to have.

So yeah, you are now caught up-ish and my plan is to be better about posting again. I missed this and I missed you. There’s a lot I want to get off my mind and this blog has always been a good place to do that.

See you soon.

Not merely surviving

It has been a month, dear friends. 31 whole days since my last post and SO much has happened!

The sun rose and set 31.5 times (It is 6:30am as I write this…risen is a generous term for what is solarly occurring right now)

The grass has grown and been mown.

Fog has descended and lifted.

Coffee has been perked and savored.

Weeds pulled and underbrush denuded.

Dinners have been planned, prepared, been ready for my return home and been throughly enjoyed by my grateful person. M is becoming quite the accomplished cook!

Flowering plants deadheaded.

House colours have been consulted about and chosen.

All the multitude of wall holes have been filled and are waiting to be sanded this weekend.

The surrounding area has begun to be explored on two motorized wheels

Dogs have been romping and finding the holes in the fence so they can better defend us against the myriad of vicious wild beasties that descend upon us. You ravens, deer and herons better watch yourselves, my pack is on to you…

Disasters have been averted, people healed and sent home, loved ones snuggled, incredibly hard workers encouraged and comfort has been given during and after celestial transitions.

Our old house has gone to contract under better terms than we could have ever dreamed of.

Friends have shuffled off this mortal coil and left my world a bit dimmer until I realized that it is my responsibility to grow my own light in their memory.

Approximately half a round on a sweater has been knit and not a stitch further and absolutely nothing spun.

My belongings are still in transit from Maryland and I have mixed feelings about this as I would LOVE to sit on a couch but I also would love to be painted before I fill the spaces with things to drip upon.

A new 101 list has been created and begun but not for 1001 days, this time only 730, beginning on August 29th. The astute amongst you will notice that this countdown will lead to “The answer to life, the universe and everything.” List to follow.

Incredible birthday dinner and weekend with new places explored.

So much and so little all at the same time but that is life and I couldn’t be happier. Moments being built with intention and purpose and savored for the delicacy and joy that they are.

First Day Reflections

Yesterday was my first day as a Nursing Home Administrator. Like, a REAL one. One with her license on the wall of a facility. Seriously.

Like any first, it was fraught with concerns:

What the F*@(ing hell am I thinking that I can do this?

What do I say to them?

What if they ask me something hard?

What if something happens?

What if they realise that I don’t know what I’m doing?

What if they don’t like me?

And, like any first, my head was louder than reality.

I said not a single word of my commute-practised speech.

Yes, of course there were some hard questions, but none that I didn’t know the answer to or could’t figure out.

Nothing happened that I, and my boss, didn’t add to our “To-do” or our immediate emails and tackle straight away.

I realised that I did know what I was doing, I just need to know the new system that I’m doing it in…and that’s exactly what these first few weeks of onboarding are for.

Better still, I, for the first time in a LONG time, was able to do nearly everything on my self-care/Intentions check off list. You know the ones:

Meditate, Yoga, wash your face, eat lunch, take meds, walk the dog, read, snuggle with partner, craft, drink water, take breaks, leave at a sane hour…

The only thing missing from my list was crafting and that was because I was tired and I am very, very proud of myself for making self care important from day 1. I have been trying to focus on being more intentional with my choices and actions and I feel this has been incredibly helpful and beneficial to me over this last year.

If you will excuse me, there is a Mo waiting for her walkies…gotta keep my streak going!

There and back again: Mochi’s Tail

Once upon a time, Mummy was gone a lot, then would come home, then leave again, then come home…that little box on wheels with the handle was her favourite thing, she took it with her always when she would leave us. She never smelled like other dogs when she would get back though so I know she was being a good girl too.

And then, one day in the cold time, she was home! She came back and stayed for days and days and it was nice to have her around because she would throw pinecones for me…but she was making such a mess of the house! She put things into boxes, threw things away, really caused chaos. Worse yet, she was sad all the time. It was a time of big changes: Mum was boxing things and my big sister was gone. One day there was a BIG truck in the yard and Mum and Dad put all of the boxes into the back and then the house felt really empty. My brothers and I ran around and barked and it echoed a lot in the living room. Really great for scaring off the terrorist squirrels so I did that often to protect my people.

A few days later, Mum brought home a sort-of stranger. She smelled kinda like Mum but not really and I barked and barked at her but not as much as I have barked at other people because, well, I kinda knew her, I think. Really quickly this strange lady helped my Mum put a few more boxes, the pedaled, spinny thing that I am not allowed to touch or play with, and her favourite box on wheels into the car. Mum was really sad. She kept snuggling and petting my brothers, crying and saying good bye. It was still dark outside and then she took off my fence collar, picked me up and put me into the car on her lap. I don’t like the car very much and the strange lady was there too, driving Mums car while Mummy held me and we drove away.

Now, to tell you that I don’t like the car is what Mummy would call an Understatement. It doesn’t go UNDER anything, it just is something I showed her by vibrating. Seriously, I shook like the trees do and lots and lots and lots of my hair came off…which was bad because it was heckin’ COLD where they took me! There was SO much white stuff on the ground and it was crunchy and not fun to walk in. We would sit in the car for ever, I would try to help them drive but they told me to lay down; something about not liking my pokey feet on their laps, and then we would stop, take a potty break and walk around the place with all the cars, and then get back in and I would have to sit on the strange lady again. I decided that my Mum needed me more than the strange lady, most of the time, so sat with her most often, driving or passenging. Its okay, Mummy likes my fuzz on her best and I am a good girl who would just lay there and sleep, not help drive at all. The first few nights we stayed at strange places that smelled like a lot of different people. I stayed close to my Mum and slept next to her in bed. I don’t usually do that but I decided that she needed me to protect her so I snuggled in. The 3rd day we got to a place that smelled kinda familiar but OMG, there were cats and another dog there!! The dog was HUGE and totally goofy, still a baby who really wanted to play with me but was just so big! There were small people too!! What the heck is this?! There was a not so strange lady there, she has been at my house before and snuggled my Mummy before so I knew she was safe to sit with but those small humans, I was NOT sure about at all. They were really patient though, they let me sniff them and then wouldn’t touch me unless I let them. Mummy was very proud of me for letting them give me pets after a while and I got to show Mummy that I really, really love chasing balls. I chased her socks and balls with bells that she said were for the cats. Who gives such cool toys to stinky cats? We stayed with those peoples for a few days and then had to get back into the car again and went to another cold place with more people and another dog, this one was white, only slightly bigger than me and not so young so he was safe to play with a bit. I was still sleeping with Mummy though. She needs me. The next to last place was another hotel, this one was really loud, but we got to take a nice long walk thru a neighborhood and I liked it. It was still cold there but not as bad as any of the other places.

The next day we went in the car to the same place we had walked to the night before. It was big and empty and smelled clean and new, not like people at all. Mummy and the other lady took all my things out of the car and started putting them all over the place. It was still empty and weird looking. They went shopping and brought home all kinds of boxes and then we slept on an air mattress. That was weird. The next day? It was crazy and they did something horrible…they LOCKED ME IN THE BATHROOM. It was horrible. I tried to tell them how sad I was about it and they kept telling me to shush. I was sad and sang to them the song of my peoples but they were not appreciative at all. I was still quieter than the loud-tail who lives somewhere higher than my head. He barked a lot and couldn’t even see the squirrels running about! Finally they let me out and OMG, there was some of my stuff that had been gone from the house! My chair was there and it smelled like Daddy and brothers and me and it was good to have that! Mummy had a bed that smelled like her and Daddy and the kittys and Sisu and my brothers and that was good too. All kinds of my stuff was around and it felt better in that new place. Mummy and the other lady had to leave me for a little while but then only Mummy came back. I’m glad she came back.

Mummy put on her ‘work’ clothes the next day and left me FOREVER but then she came back later. I was so happy to see her and showed her with kisses and let her scratch my butt to make her feel happy too. She took off her silly shoes and put on my favourite ones and let me show her the neighborhood. We are totally going to do this a lot.

This is an okay place though I miss my brothers. Mummy is LOTS of fun to play with. She throws my ball and lets me bring it back to her again and again. I love that game. I’m still going to sleep with her because she doesn’t have anyone to cuddle with and the bed is big enough for both of us, especially with no brothers to share the bed with! Mummy found a place to walk with that has so many trees and hills! There are lots of wild things to smell and some great things to roll in my Mummy doesn’t appreciate that like I do. Silly Mummy. But she still takes me there on the days she doesn’t have to wear the silly shoes and we walk for what she says is miles and miles. Its fun and we are getting really good at the hills! Every day we walk around the neighborhood at least 3 times which is a good patrol for me and lets Mummy decompress and breath after working so hard. Somedays I have to be alone for a long, long time but Mummy is always coming home for me and I am there waiting for her to give kisses and bum scratches to. I like that part of the day, especially because that means I get to patrol! I found that there is an amazing place nearby that has ALL THE BALLS! They are just lying in the grass and I can take one for Mummy to throw! I’ve shown her that I can go get the balls and come back to her again when not wearing my leash and we had lots of fun doing that. I can be trusted and she loves that and we are best friends. I still don’t like going in the car but the car means that I get to go to the trees and hills so I guess its okay. I don’t shake quite so much but Mummy still keeps a lint roller in the car and tells me that she is surprised that I’m not bald. Its SO HOT here, I don’t have much fur anyway, I look skinny!

One day, there were lots of boxes again. I was okay with that until Mummy started putting MY things in there! Then I was sad because I didn’t know what was happening. Mummy had boxes around for a long time but we kept going on our walks and to the tree and hill place so that was okay…until she shut me in the bathroom again! There were strange men in the house and she wouldn’t let me protect her. So I locked her out of the bathroom and myself in. If she didn’t want my help, so be it. She had the men take off the handle and let me out though and when I came out I saw that all my stuff was nearly GONE. The door was open and they kept coming in and taking stuff and leaving and that was NOT COOL. Mummy had put things into the car too and it was very full. And then the house was empty and Mummy was wearing the fun shoes but she totally tricked me and we didn’t go to the trees and hills at all, we started driving AGAIN!

We went back to see the little white dog and I played with him for the day and it was fun. I like him and his yard. We got back into the car after sleeps and drove to the BIG dog and cats and the not so strange ladies and small humans again. This time, I was not so scared of any of them and walked with Mummy and them really nicely off my leash and let the small humans pet me more often. I got to scare off some rouge cats that were wandering the neighborhood. Mummy didn’t like that so much, apparently because I ran into this strange smelling place that she called a “paddock” with these GINORMOUS dogs that she calls “horses”. There was this thing she called an “Electric Fence” which I didn’t mind at all…I just jumped over it or went under it, no worries. I just wanted those kitties to go away, not bother the ‘horses’…so as soon as they ran off, I came back to Mummy. She was not as appreciative as she could have been; put me back on my leash again for a little while but soon let me off again. I had to protect her once more before we left but I was a very, very good girl otherwise and she was happy with me and I liked our few days there.

Then it was strange rooms again for 2 more nights and 3 long days in the car and then, out of nowhere, I KNOW WHERE WE ARE! I know these smells! I know those barks! This was MY HOUSE! My brothers are there to greet me, very excited and a little bit scared since I don’t smell the same. It was a long time that I was gone and I am a different dog now. Mummy and I are really close and I liked spending time with her alone. We got to do things just the two of us and I liked that. She still takes me on walks, just the two of us, and sometimes locks my brothers in the house so I can chase the ball myself without being stepped on by them. But here we are, there and back again, and ready to start the next adventure.

Mummy says the next adventure is coming really soon. Like, really, really soon; she is starting a new ‘job’ on Monday and will have to wear her silly shoes again. We have to ‘move’ again, this time the whole family and will involve what she calls a “farm” with strange things like “chickens” and a “garden”. It sounds like a fun time and I’m sure she will let you know how it goes!

Changes

When I was young, I lived on the USMC base Quantico. I don’t remember it except for a vague memory of sitting in the trunk of the old, blue Volvo on a windy, cold day and, frankly, that could have been any day from when I was there to sometime in Michigan many years later. I remember a dress from that time but not as an outfit of mine but one I dressed dollies or teddy bears in. I was too small to remember taking this or any other photo.

For the last 10 years I have built a life in Northwest Washington and on Tuesday, I change all of that and go to begin a new chapter just outside of Baltimore, Maryland. Talk about a change.

I’m nervous…but more for the 50-ish hours that I will be in a car with my sister than for the trip itself. This will be the longest we have been together since high school and I am praying that a)the drive is safe thru mountain passes and snowy, windy plains and b) we both survive each others company.

I am sad to be leaving my home…both my house itself but also the people that I have built a life with, the towns that I have become familiar with over these last 10 years.

COVID has helped and will continue to dull the ache of loss, however. In the last year, I have only been home 68 nights, slightly more than 1 per week, because of work travel. I have learned a lot because of that opportunity but I was gone and basically missed 10 months of life with my family. In a time of so many people being frustrated with too much togetherness, I missed out on all of it. I lost an entire year because of work focus and work travel.

I missed the last year of Sisu’s life and miss her terribly.

I missed being a support for M during a rough transition though, in part, that has helped build more strength for the both of us. This past year has brought so much change and this next will be a new challenge that we are better equip to handle with strength and grace.

I missed seeing my baby grow up to be a big boy. Clutch (Bubba) is 60# of love who sleeps every night between my legs with his chin on my thigh and who happily climbs onto me in a full body press every morning to snuggle his nose under my chin, wagging his tail and waiting for my “okay” to signal its time to get up for the day.

This is the same baby who was barely a handful of puppy, who I was so angry with M for bringing home one day completely out of the blue, who is such a snuggle bug and a mommas boy and who, because of his mixed breed, I cannot take with me to an apartment.

Mochi will make the, literally, cross-country journey with me and I am so happy to be taking her. Being on the road this last year was difficult without my family and I think that a large part of my personal challenges with this year has been because of my lack of normalcy. No one to greet me when I got home, no routine to follow; different hotel rooms, different buildings to support in different ways…always different, always the outsider, nothing…stable. But that is about to change.

Its going to take time to build a new ‘normal’ but I am excited to start. I love the company that I work for and I wish like hell there had been a place for me here so there wouldn’t have to be so very much change all at once.

But there isn’t and there does.

And so I go, once more into the breach, dear friends, once more. With my shield or on it and always and all ways, SisuGirl.