Today, I wanted to share with you my current list of things I am fanatical about. Its a varied list so enjoy what you will and leave the rest 🙂 There are NO affiliated links to anything though if you go thru Amazon, do consider shopping thru Amazon Smile so that a percentage of your purchase can go to the charity of your choice.

Hydrojug. Yes, I have multiple water bottles. But none before like this. (And I have 2)

My #1: This 64oz capacity absolute beauty is the pinnacle of water bottleage. This version is a stainless steel, double walled version that keeps the water cold for hours and hours…but it doesn’t last that long. The lid has a built in straw – it comes out for cleaning – so you don’t have to tilt the bottle to drink from it and you even can pour from it without removing the straw. It has a large handle too so carrying it is a breeze, even when full. For me, this is perfect and I am 100% happy with this purchase.

#2 is the plastic version of #1…sorta. The body shape is different, the handle is actually built into the bottle itself and, intelligently, the lid threading offsets the drinking spout from the handle so you can lift and tilt and, in my case, pour water all over yourself/drink. I purchased straws to go along with my bottle and they worked nearly perfectly. Perfectly as straws, not so perfectly because they weren’t totally made for my bottle, you know? They had to bend to be tucked into the bottle, not grossly so, but still. And the lid leaked something fierce. Not huge gushes of water but steady leaking and 64oz leaking is a LOT to leak into your bag or car or anywhere it has fallen to the side. Not a huge fan. The carrying bag though, that was smart. It has pockets and a strap and a nice cut out for the handle. Made from neoprene so it could help insulate your bottle and keep it colder for longer, it felt nice to my hands and it was great to have a place I could tuck my huge phone, a Samsung Note, and it be safe from falling out. While my fancy new bottle doesn’t have an extendible strap or pockets for my phone, it does fit inside the carrying bag, if I wanted to use them together. But my bottle is exceedingly pretty with the matte black bottle with glossy black leopard spots on it so I’m not going to cover that up.

I love large water bottles, going back to college and my Nalgene bottles. There is something that I really like about the ‘challenge’ of drinking “ALL” of the bigger bottles that I just don’t get with smaller, more bag friendly bottles. And its a laziness factor too, I just don’t want to be bothered by having to get the bottle refilled multiple times in a day. This way, I can just fill it twice and be all set! To be honest, the downside is the size though as there will NEVER be a cup holder for a car that accommodates this bugger so I use my 40oz Hydroflask for my car water and refill that one every other day.

To those worried about my drinking too much water – I promise, I’m not guzzling both at once, just working my way thru them steadily thru the day and my goal is perfectly in line with recommended volume for my weight and activity level.

My Pet Chicken. This is a website about, well, chickens and their supplies. M and I are starting our flock with 10 of their birds and I’ll share more about them in two weeks or so once they arrive. These are PET chickens to be found on this site and they see layer chickens as pets. Thankfully they have a lower minimum order number, only 3, and that is a great way to start. Now I ordered 10 (3 different varieties) but still, I like the lower minimum!* They have all different types of layer chickens and I really like how they describe and sort their chickens for those of us who are looking for a colourwheel of eggs. Oh, and they also have ducks and geese on the site…and we will have ducks and geese in May 🙂 For meat chickens, one needs to go to another site…

McMurray Hatchery has ALL the birds you are looking for, even the ones you didn’t know about. Because of their, to me, quite high minimum ordering number, only meat chickens have come from here. Our meat flock will be here in June

Backyard Chickens is forums and, while not a member yet, I have found the advice and tips here to be wonderful.

And now I am headed to SEATAC for a flight to Salt Lake City for training with my new company, another thing on my “really liking” list. I made a good decision to join them. More from the road…provided I can hang on to my phone this time thru SLC…

* Behold, Chicken Math beginning and they aren’t even here yet…

Today we took a step towards more self sufficiency and a big one, in general, towards a happy homesteadsy life: Birds have been ordered!

From McMurray Hatchery: 15 Jumbo Cornish X Rocks – fast growing meat birds, a straight run (male and females) and the boys should be ready in about 8/9 weeks and the girls 10/12.  This is a test to see if we can REALLY do this – grow our own meat.  They should be here the week of June 20.

From My Pet Chicken: Layer chickens- 4 Ameraucanas, 4 Easter Eggers and 2 Silver Lace Marans. Green eggs, blue eggs and super dark brown eggs, I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am for all of these.  Shipping April 18th

Also from MPC: Layer Ducks! 2 Silver Appleyard, 2 Cayuga and 2 Welsh Harlequins.  All girls to avoid that super fun male duck…issue when it comes to mating.  Google it yourself.   We also have 2 Embden gosling coming too. They are all going to have such fun around the pond! May 18th ship week.

We are going to have a great next few months as it continues to get warmer and warmer around here. Next steps: Getting the garden ready!

Home front: Painting! I finally painted my bedroom and guest/Mums room and the hallway so we are major steps closer to being settled. So happy to be making this house a home.

As I was wandering aimlessly thru my internet-driven spaces wasting time that I really don’t think that I have, feeling that I should be more productive and generally feeling like I could be…”Better”, I realised that I was more annoyed than anything that my favourite blogger didn’t have a new post for me to read.

And then I realised that I hadn’t written anything in far, far more than a ‘short’ while. So here we go with my stones for those birds:

Greetings Internet, It is I, once again making this space my home. So very much has happened over the course of the forever that its been since I made this space my home that I’m not sure where to start…and I think that’s the rub and my block, as it were, to blogging again. I want to catch you up on all the things but that seems like such a mountain to climb that I’m not even going to climb, I’ll just enjoy the view from basecamp while I sum up the last…wow, 2 years. And that’s part of the issue too, I, like many of us, feel like I have lost the last 2 years. I was all kinds of excited that here I was on the 1 year anniversary of getting my Nursing Home Administrators license in Washington and its actually 2 years.

In very brief: 2019: Finished my Administrator in Training (AIT) program in WA in January, AIT-lead a facility in Tacoma until March when I sat for my license and earned it on 3/17/19 – totally a lucky day for me! Packed for Denver CO the next weekend and spent the next 7 months in Colorado, first in Denver then in Boulder covering for their open spots in HR and generally learning how those different building ran well and how they didn’t. I learned a lot about myself and HR and from a few really good administrators that I appreciate greatly their time and encouragement. I then went to Vancouver WA for the last week of November and whole of December and got to learn from ANOTHER amazing NHA who encouraged me to look outside of our region and to develop myself in another market. Great advice and I followed it across the country. Literally.

In longer summary, I lived out of my car for 3 month, driving an hour to work every day and working generally 12 hour days and rarely getting to do any of my normal fun things or enjoying my partner and fur kids and when I was getting excited about a change of pace once licensed…well, it DID change. I then spent the next 9 months living out of my suitcase, paying exorbitant rates to park my new car, bought in November 2018 – Toyota Rav 4 Hybrid with less than 20k miles on it, in airport parking for generally 2 weeks at a time, figuring ways to finagle my expense account so I didn’t have to eat “out” all the time, learning new buildings with new state regulations, only seeing my family only for weekends every 2 weeks at a time because of work coverage and, oh yeah, COVID. In Skilled Nursing Homes.

COVID-19 entered my world in March when a nurse reported on Wednesday that she had been exposed by her child over the weekend and he just reported to her that he was just tested positive. Turns out it was a totally false report by her child but it was the first time I got to call family members to report the facility was in lock down, got to pass out paper bags to have staff store their PPE in, got to scramble to find N95 masks ANYWHERE in our region because we, in the 8 years at that point I had been working in Healthcare, NEVER were fit tested for N95s because we didn’t take TB patients and surgical masks were and are part of the PPE you wear around a resident with the ‘Flu. “Normal” changed that day for me and hundreds of others and thus began the lessons in Resilience. I was able to teach others but also learned myself and it has made me, as all difficult and truly good lessons are, better.

In Very Brief: 2020: January saw me still in Vancouver WA and saying goodbye to my dearest Sisu for the final time and packing for my move across the country. February found me driving across the country to Maryland with my sister, setting up an apartment, Ikea shopping and beginning a new job with the same company. March thru July was filled with getting my feet under me, making new friends, realizing how totally different the East coast is from the West and bonding with Mochi. July also found me buying a home, packing once again, selling a home, and, again, driving across the country back to WA and ANOTHER new job, this time with a different company…but made up of old friends. August found me beginning my new job as a Nursing Home Administrator and moving into the new house and small farm that we had bought and the learning has been constant from that point onwards. Oh yeah, and COVID continues with a whole new round of learning MD regulations, re-learning WA regs because they changed a LOT from January, and the inevitable first outbreak at my new facility.

In summary: January sucked. The hardest thing in the world was saying goodbye to Sisu and I still cry now thinking about her. She was in a lot of pain but was so strong and brave to try not to show us but we could see it and the toll it took on her just to move that we had to help her cross the rainbow bridge. I miss her every day. Every day. February was hard too because I packed my things and Mochi, who doesn’t like car rides, and left M and the boys and my house and moved to Towson, Maryland for my new job as an Assistant Administrator. Talk about a big decision. The plan was for me to get my license in MD and then my own building and then a house and THEN the boys would come to join me. Clutch being a pit mix made apartment hunting with him impossible anywhere close to my new job and I didn’t want to play with traffic so he had to stay behind. And then the Board of Administrators came into play and the 6 months MAX plan that had been expected was totally tossed out the window and it became the 18 month plan and I was NOT willing to do that. They wanted me to do an AIT program all over again. Literally the same. exact. thing. I. did. before. Seriously. No. I really was not a fan of the East coast. Granted, I had a LOT of things going on and I was there on my own with no support network or friends and making friends when you are the #2 boss and working 12-4 hour days is really hard. I didn’t really want to stay where I was for another 18 months. I had an excellent hiking trail system that Mochi and I loved but that was the saving grace of the area. Thankfully, in 2019, I had applied for a position with another company and while I didn’t get that job, I remembered the company and found a position to apply for in WA and blindly did. I got a call from the Regional in Washington who happened to used to work for my then company who also was a mentor to my mentor Laura who she had gotten my phone number from. She asked me if I was really interested in coming back to WA and would I be interested in being an Administrator for a small building in Raymond WA. I had to look Raymond up but yes, I was interested. Very, Very interested. Please and Thank You. So we began the process of applying and interviewing and interviewing and interviewing and I got the job! I gave a months notice and began house hunting from across the country which is so not a thing I would recommend doing and packed and moved once again. Mochi still didn’t like the car trip. When I got here we began packing the Shelton house and I began commuting to work in August. Thankfully we closed on the house on the 12th and moved in over the weekend and have been settling in to both the job and home nicely. Hiccups for sure but this is a good place for us to grow in what is important to us, both work and personally.

2022: Work wise, its been a whirlwind. I had good beginning for January and then came to a screeching halt for the ENTIRE month of February due to an Omicron COVID outbreak in the facility staff and then the residents. It was a long time but handled well by everyone; family, staff and myself. We are recovering and rebuilding census and just waiting for survey to come in so we can resume normalcy once again.

On the home front we are planning our garden and need to order the chickens that we want to have for the year, both meat and layers. M has taken some time off work and in focusing on the house and getting things ready for the season. I’m excited to be in a place where chickens are a possibility, the garden is going to be amazing and all the new adventures we get to have.

So yeah, you are now caught up-ish and my plan is to be better about posting again. I missed this and I missed you. There’s a lot I want to get off my mind and this blog has always been a good place to do that.

See you soon.

It has been a month, dear friends. 31 whole days since my last post and SO much has happened!

The sun rose and set 31.5 times (It is 6:30am as I write this…risen is a generous term for what is solarly occurring right now)

The grass has grown and been mown.

Fog has descended and lifted.

Coffee has been perked and savored.

Weeds pulled and underbrush denuded.

Dinners have been planned, prepared, been ready for my return home and been throughly enjoyed by my grateful person. M is becoming quite the accomplished cook!

Flowering plants deadheaded.

House colours have been consulted about and chosen.

All the multitude of wall holes have been filled and are waiting to be sanded this weekend.

The surrounding area has begun to be explored on two motorized wheels

Dogs have been romping and finding the holes in the fence so they can better defend us against the myriad of vicious wild beasties that descend upon us. You ravens, deer and herons better watch yourselves, my pack is on to you…

Disasters have been averted, people healed and sent home, loved ones snuggled, incredibly hard workers encouraged and comfort has been given during and after celestial transitions.

Our old house has gone to contract under better terms than we could have ever dreamed of.

Friends have shuffled off this mortal coil and left my world a bit dimmer until I realized that it is my responsibility to grow my own light in their memory.

Approximately half a round on a sweater has been knit and not a stitch further and absolutely nothing spun.

My belongings are still in transit from Maryland and I have mixed feelings about this as I would LOVE to sit on a couch but I also would love to be painted before I fill the spaces with things to drip upon.

A new 101 list has been created and begun but not for 1001 days, this time only 730, beginning on August 29th. The astute amongst you will notice that this countdown will lead to “The answer to life, the universe and everything.” List to follow.

Incredible birthday dinner and weekend with new places explored.

So much and so little all at the same time but that is life and I couldn’t be happier. Moments being built with intention and purpose and savored for the delicacy and joy that they are.

Yesterday was my first day as a Nursing Home Administrator. Like, a REAL one. One with her license on the wall of a facility. Seriously.

Like any first, it was fraught with concerns:

What the F*@(ing hell am I thinking that I can do this?

What do I say to them?

What if they ask me something hard?

What if something happens?

What if they realise that I don’t know what I’m doing?

What if they don’t like me?

And, like any first, my head was louder than reality.

I said not a single word of my commute-practised speech.

Yes, of course there were some hard questions, but none that I didn’t know the answer to or could’t figure out.

Nothing happened that I, and my boss, didn’t add to our “To-do” or our immediate emails and tackle straight away.

I realised that I did know what I was doing, I just need to know the new system that I’m doing it in…and that’s exactly what these first few weeks of onboarding are for.

Better still, I, for the first time in a LONG time, was able to do nearly everything on my self-care/Intentions check off list. You know the ones:

Meditate, Yoga, wash your face, eat lunch, take meds, walk the dog, read, snuggle with partner, craft, drink water, take breaks, leave at a sane hour…

The only thing missing from my list was crafting and that was because I was tired and I am very, very proud of myself for making self care important from day 1. I have been trying to focus on being more intentional with my choices and actions and I feel this has been incredibly helpful and beneficial to me over this last year.

If you will excuse me, there is a Mo waiting for her walkies…gotta keep my streak going!

Once upon a time, Mummy was gone a lot, then would come home, then leave again, then come home…that little box on wheels with the handle was her favourite thing, she took it with her always when she would leave us. She never smelled like other dogs when she would get back though so I know she was being a good girl too.

And then, one day in the cold time, she was home! She came back and stayed for days and days and it was nice to have her around because she would throw pinecones for me…but she was making such a mess of the house! She put things into boxes, threw things away, really caused chaos. Worse yet, she was sad all the time. It was a time of big changes: Mum was boxing things and my big sister was gone. One day there was a BIG truck in the yard and Mum and Dad put all of the boxes into the back and then the house felt really empty. My brothers and I ran around and barked and it echoed a lot in the living room. Really great for scaring off the terrorist squirrels so I did that often to protect my people.

A few days later, Mum brought home a sort-of stranger. She smelled kinda like Mum but not really and I barked and barked at her but not as much as I have barked at other people because, well, I kinda knew her, I think. Really quickly this strange lady helped my Mum put a few more boxes, the pedaled, spinny thing that I am not allowed to touch or play with, and her favourite box on wheels into the car. Mum was really sad. She kept snuggling and petting my brothers, crying and saying good bye. It was still dark outside and then she took off my fence collar, picked me up and put me into the car on her lap. I don’t like the car very much and the strange lady was there too, driving Mums car while Mummy held me and we drove away.

Now, to tell you that I don’t like the car is what Mummy would call an Understatement. It doesn’t go UNDER anything, it just is something I showed her by vibrating. Seriously, I shook like the trees do and lots and lots and lots of my hair came off…which was bad because it was heckin’ COLD where they took me! There was SO much white stuff on the ground and it was crunchy and not fun to walk in. We would sit in the car for ever, I would try to help them drive but they told me to lay down; something about not liking my pokey feet on their laps, and then we would stop, take a potty break and walk around the place with all the cars, and then get back in and I would have to sit on the strange lady again. I decided that my Mum needed me more than the strange lady, most of the time, so sat with her most often, driving or passenging. Its okay, Mummy likes my fuzz on her best and I am a good girl who would just lay there and sleep, not help drive at all. The first few nights we stayed at strange places that smelled like a lot of different people. I stayed close to my Mum and slept next to her in bed. I don’t usually do that but I decided that she needed me to protect her so I snuggled in. The 3rd day we got to a place that smelled kinda familiar but OMG, there were cats and another dog there!! The dog was HUGE and totally goofy, still a baby who really wanted to play with me but was just so big! There were small people too!! What the heck is this?! There was a not so strange lady there, she has been at my house before and snuggled my Mummy before so I knew she was safe to sit with but those small humans, I was NOT sure about at all. They were really patient though, they let me sniff them and then wouldn’t touch me unless I let them. Mummy was very proud of me for letting them give me pets after a while and I got to show Mummy that I really, really love chasing balls. I chased her socks and balls with bells that she said were for the cats. Who gives such cool toys to stinky cats? We stayed with those peoples for a few days and then had to get back into the car again and went to another cold place with more people and another dog, this one was white, only slightly bigger than me and not so young so he was safe to play with a bit. I was still sleeping with Mummy though. She needs me. The next to last place was another hotel, this one was really loud, but we got to take a nice long walk thru a neighborhood and I liked it. It was still cold there but not as bad as any of the other places.

The next day we went in the car to the same place we had walked to the night before. It was big and empty and smelled clean and new, not like people at all. Mummy and the other lady took all my things out of the car and started putting them all over the place. It was still empty and weird looking. They went shopping and brought home all kinds of boxes and then we slept on an air mattress. That was weird. The next day? It was crazy and they did something horrible…they LOCKED ME IN THE BATHROOM. It was horrible. I tried to tell them how sad I was about it and they kept telling me to shush. I was sad and sang to them the song of my peoples but they were not appreciative at all. I was still quieter than the loud-tail who lives somewhere higher than my head. He barked a lot and couldn’t even see the squirrels running about! Finally they let me out and OMG, there was some of my stuff that had been gone from the house! My chair was there and it smelled like Daddy and brothers and me and it was good to have that! Mummy had a bed that smelled like her and Daddy and the kittys and Sisu and my brothers and that was good too. All kinds of my stuff was around and it felt better in that new place. Mummy and the other lady had to leave me for a little while but then only Mummy came back. I’m glad she came back.

Mummy put on her ‘work’ clothes the next day and left me FOREVER but then she came back later. I was so happy to see her and showed her with kisses and let her scratch my butt to make her feel happy too. She took off her silly shoes and put on my favourite ones and let me show her the neighborhood. We are totally going to do this a lot.

This is an okay place though I miss my brothers. Mummy is LOTS of fun to play with. She throws my ball and lets me bring it back to her again and again. I love that game. I’m still going to sleep with her because she doesn’t have anyone to cuddle with and the bed is big enough for both of us, especially with no brothers to share the bed with! Mummy found a place to walk with that has so many trees and hills! There are lots of wild things to smell and some great things to roll in my Mummy doesn’t appreciate that like I do. Silly Mummy. But she still takes me there on the days she doesn’t have to wear the silly shoes and we walk for what she says is miles and miles. Its fun and we are getting really good at the hills! Every day we walk around the neighborhood at least 3 times which is a good patrol for me and lets Mummy decompress and breath after working so hard. Somedays I have to be alone for a long, long time but Mummy is always coming home for me and I am there waiting for her to give kisses and bum scratches to. I like that part of the day, especially because that means I get to patrol! I found that there is an amazing place nearby that has ALL THE BALLS! They are just lying in the grass and I can take one for Mummy to throw! I’ve shown her that I can go get the balls and come back to her again when not wearing my leash and we had lots of fun doing that. I can be trusted and she loves that and we are best friends. I still don’t like going in the car but the car means that I get to go to the trees and hills so I guess its okay. I don’t shake quite so much but Mummy still keeps a lint roller in the car and tells me that she is surprised that I’m not bald. Its SO HOT here, I don’t have much fur anyway, I look skinny!

One day, there were lots of boxes again. I was okay with that until Mummy started putting MY things in there! Then I was sad because I didn’t know what was happening. Mummy had boxes around for a long time but we kept going on our walks and to the tree and hill place so that was okay…until she shut me in the bathroom again! There were strange men in the house and she wouldn’t let me protect her. So I locked her out of the bathroom and myself in. If she didn’t want my help, so be it. She had the men take off the handle and let me out though and when I came out I saw that all my stuff was nearly GONE. The door was open and they kept coming in and taking stuff and leaving and that was NOT COOL. Mummy had put things into the car too and it was very full. And then the house was empty and Mummy was wearing the fun shoes but she totally tricked me and we didn’t go to the trees and hills at all, we started driving AGAIN!

We went back to see the little white dog and I played with him for the day and it was fun. I like him and his yard. We got back into the car after sleeps and drove to the BIG dog and cats and the not so strange ladies and small humans again. This time, I was not so scared of any of them and walked with Mummy and them really nicely off my leash and let the small humans pet me more often. I got to scare off some rouge cats that were wandering the neighborhood. Mummy didn’t like that so much, apparently because I ran into this strange smelling place that she called a “paddock” with these GINORMOUS dogs that she calls “horses”. There was this thing she called an “Electric Fence” which I didn’t mind at all…I just jumped over it or went under it, no worries. I just wanted those kitties to go away, not bother the ‘horses’…so as soon as they ran off, I came back to Mummy. She was not as appreciative as she could have been; put me back on my leash again for a little while but soon let me off again. I had to protect her once more before we left but I was a very, very good girl otherwise and she was happy with me and I liked our few days there.

Then it was strange rooms again for 2 more nights and 3 long days in the car and then, out of nowhere, I KNOW WHERE WE ARE! I know these smells! I know those barks! This was MY HOUSE! My brothers are there to greet me, very excited and a little bit scared since I don’t smell the same. It was a long time that I was gone and I am a different dog now. Mummy and I are really close and I liked spending time with her alone. We got to do things just the two of us and I liked that. She still takes me on walks, just the two of us, and sometimes locks my brothers in the house so I can chase the ball myself without being stepped on by them. But here we are, there and back again, and ready to start the next adventure.

Mummy says the next adventure is coming really soon. Like, really, really soon; she is starting a new ‘job’ on Monday and will have to wear her silly shoes again. We have to ‘move’ again, this time the whole family and will involve what she calls a “farm” with strange things like “chickens” and a “garden”. It sounds like a fun time and I’m sure she will let you know how it goes!

When I was young, I lived on the USMC base Quantico. I don’t remember it except for a vague memory of sitting in the trunk of the old, blue Volvo on a windy, cold day and, frankly, that could have been any day from when I was there to sometime in Michigan many years later. I remember a dress from that time but not as an outfit of mine but one I dressed dollies or teddy bears in. I was too small to remember taking this or any other photo.

For the last 10 years I have built a life in Northwest Washington and on Tuesday, I change all of that and go to begin a new chapter just outside of Baltimore, Maryland. Talk about a change.

I’m nervous…but more for the 50-ish hours that I will be in a car with my sister than for the trip itself. This will be the longest we have been together since high school and I am praying that a)the drive is safe thru mountain passes and snowy, windy plains and b) we both survive each others company.

I am sad to be leaving my home…both my house itself but also the people that I have built a life with, the towns that I have become familiar with over these last 10 years.

COVID has helped and will continue to dull the ache of loss, however. In the last year, I have only been home 68 nights, slightly more than 1 per week, because of work travel. I have learned a lot because of that opportunity but I was gone and basically missed 10 months of life with my family. In a time of so many people being frustrated with too much togetherness, I missed out on all of it. I lost an entire year because of work focus and work travel.

I missed the last year of Sisu’s life and miss her terribly.

I missed being a support for M during a rough transition though, in part, that has helped build more strength for the both of us. This past year has brought so much change and this next will be a new challenge that we are better equip to handle with strength and grace.

I missed seeing my baby grow up to be a big boy. Clutch (Bubba) is 60# of love who sleeps every night between my legs with his chin on my thigh and who happily climbs onto me in a full body press every morning to snuggle his nose under my chin, wagging his tail and waiting for my “okay” to signal its time to get up for the day.

This is the same baby who was barely a handful of puppy, who I was so angry with M for bringing home one day completely out of the blue, who is such a snuggle bug and a mommas boy and who, because of his mixed breed, I cannot take with me to an apartment.

Mochi will make the, literally, cross-country journey with me and I am so happy to be taking her. Being on the road this last year was difficult without my family and I think that a large part of my personal challenges with this year has been because of my lack of normalcy. No one to greet me when I got home, no routine to follow; different hotel rooms, different buildings to support in different ways…always different, always the outsider, nothing…stable. But that is about to change.

Its going to take time to build a new ‘normal’ but I am excited to start. I love the company that I work for and I wish like hell there had been a place for me here so there wouldn’t have to be so very much change all at once.

But there isn’t and there does.

And so I go, once more into the breach, dear friends, once more. With my shield or on it and always and all ways, SisuGirl.

Decisional – (adj) – Having the power or authority to make decisions.

What have you decided to do today?

Myself?

I read a lot and then decided to start blogging again.  I started back on January 17th, 2007 as the KnittingFisher.  Pre-Sisu days when living in Sitka in a dorm room, was in love with the wrong man and when I thought that 6 skeins of yarn were a lot and spinning was something that you only see in re-creations of historic villages.

It is interesting to re-read your old writings.  My friend Mel said it well and I commented on that back in June 2011 and while I haven’t been reading every 10 posts like I used to, it was eye opening to revisit the Me that I was in 2007.

The Me that I am now knows her well and I think that she would be, if not expressly happy with her, would at least understand what happened and be happy with with choices that were made.

Where am I now?

I have 4 dogs (Sisu – my much blogged about KBD, now 12 years old;  Mochi – 2 year old Shiba Inu who is her OWN dog/cat, thankingyouverymuch; Han – 2 year rescue schnauzer/blue heeler mix who is totally sweet and ball crazy and Clutch, a 5month old “surprise addition” lab/pit mix) and 3 cats and a husband, M, who all love me and happily greet me when I come home.  I live in WA in a house with its mortgage, a new new car, a job that I am learning to be excellent at and phenomenal volume of stress from trying to be excellent at it.   I managed to be part of the 5% who lost weight and kept weight off for 5 years only to gain it back over the last nearly 5 plus a bit more.

Where do I want to be?

I want to get back to my open heart and my Pollyanna-ish ways.  I miss finding the good in all people and focusing on that instead of the bitterness that I can taste far more often than I would like.  

I want to get back to my routine of exercise and Mochi makes an amazing running partner (not to mention I feel better as a dog Mum when I get some 1:1 time with her) and get rid of the stress.  Weight too but the stress most of all and I run to be free and leave that behind so…

I want to use the fiber and yarn that I have and, while I shan’t be getting back to 6 skeins of ‘stash’, like, ever, I want to use what I love and be happy with what I have and not feel the weight of my stash if I want to purchase for a project.

I want to feel my connection to the world again.  Maybe its all in my head, this connection, but I feel more grounded to the world as a whole when writing out thoughts and dreams and ideas and plans and delusions. 

So, I have to figure out what I am going to give up in my life to have more of what I want.  

There is no Pleasure without payment.

I’m just back to a place where I know better the pleasure, am willing to admit it to myself and know exactly what I am willing to pay to get it.

I am SisuGirl

 

Life is full of them because life IS issues. One after another, causing us to grow, change and adapt. Choices leading to more choices and on and on. Which is how it should be.

And that doesn’t make it any easier.

However, its doesn’t mean that it has to be harder, either.

Understanding often comes with acceptance.

Acceptance comes before change.

Change comes after challenge.

Challenge comes before work.

Work, if done well, leads back to understanding.

Acceptance-understanding-challenge-work-change

An endless cycle.

As it should be.

Because there is always more to do, more ways to grow and develop and live.

My issues will never go away. They will ever stop coming at me until I die. Neither will yours.

And that…that is a good thing. It means one more choice to make, one more chance to live my life as I want to make it.

Every second of every day.

Lent 2018 begins tomorrow and I’m excited. In the past I have talked about Panczki and various plans and this one is no different.

This year, I’m giving up Excuses.

That’s right, I’m giving up making excuses.

Why?

Mainly because I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I need to justify…everything.

Anything. Big things. Little things. Important things. Insignificant things. Things done. Things undone. Things not done. Things I want to do. Things I don’t want to do. Things I can do. Things I can’t do. Things I will do. Things I won’t do. Things I should do.

Because it’s that last that is the real issue. The word “should” implies shame. And I’m done feeling ashamed that I’m missing some imaginary goal or a goal that I set for myself(!) and feeling the need to make excuses for why I didn’t get there yet.

So I’m taking the next 40 days to make the effort to prioritize, to ponder, to plan and to do or do not. There is no try.  And there is no excuse.

September 2022
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  
2023-08-29T07:12:00

  days

  hours  minutes  seconds

until

The Answer