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Someone recently said to me, “If you think that time flies now, just wait until you have children!”.  Well as there are no children, save for those borrowed from my friends and family in my future plans, I’ll just have to settle for time passing at my own appalling rate.

 

I have been…busy…since I last blogged in so many, many ways.

 

My joy of fibre continues. My spinning had been amazing and I’m working on this Into the WhirledDSC_6335, in Mandarin (an old club offering on BFL) and this Enchanted Knoll DSC_6345, in Johnny Jump-Up on Superwash Merino.  More on the spinning soon because , OH BOY, do I have something to show you!!

I have been knitting, but not so much in the last week due to an unfortunate injury:

20130723_105145

Pepper was rather put out that we left her at home when we went on our recent camping trip to Salt Creek Recreation Area 20130720_143925 and didn’t let her seen the pod of Orcas 20130720_161505 or chase chipmunks and get tangled up like Sisu did 20130721_142151 so she took out her vengeance on my leg, claws and teeth, after purring and rubbing into me 5 seconds before.  I swatted at her, missed, hit the wall and heating vent and damaged my fingers badly enough for x-rays, good painkillers and at least 2 weeks in splints to protect me.  Yes, they still hurt 1 week in but I finally have some mobility back though I cannot make a fist or touch those fingers to my palm without pain and actually, they won’t bend that far at all, pain or no.  I am not impressed with myself.

 

Mike and I 20130721_082240 have been exploring our area more than just camping too.  We went up to Hurricane Ridge and admired the view  DSC_6470

and I loved the wildflowers too DSC_6440  Lupines always remind me of my Mum and that view is to be admired! DSC_6406

The biggest part of what I’ve been doing?  Running.20130519_124750_2  Finishing the Rhody Run with my friends was the start of my real training for the Seattle 10k and my mileage has only grown from there.  So much so that I have these to proudly display:  DSC_6473  Bruised toenails #1 and #2.  They are my external display of my long runs and I couldn’t be happier or more proud of myself.  11 weeks ago I was dreading the idea of 8 miles whereas now, my last long run was 13 miles in 2.5hours.

 

Oh yeah.  And I’ve been cooking and kitchen experimenting daily, bought a sewing machine and have made pj bottoms, skirts and an amazing infinity dress that I LOVE, have a successful herb garden in my strawberry pot, been reading and listening with voracity and spent far less time with my camera than I intend to do in the future.  And intend to keep this blog going as I know I have missed sharing and need to write again.

 

 

 

Good Things are happening around Chez Sisu just lately.

#1:  I am nearly done with school for this term.  Hoo-bloody-ray.  It has been a VERY long 3 months and I’ll be so glad when this Saturday, finals day, is over.

#2: We had a lovely visit from M’s dad, M senior, and step-mother L.  Joining them were M’s sister B and her kids E and S and it was a nice visit with them all for 2 days.  Luck for us we had good weather so we were out and about in downtown PT for a while with them.

#3: The fur-babies are getting along famously.  While we have yet to see them cuddled together on purpose, we do see this scene quite often.

Sisu is still wondering how to get Pepper out of her favourite chair however and that is a source of…confusion…for Sisu.  She looks at the cat, looks at M on the couch and whines, looks back at the cat…eventually she gives up trying to stare kitty into moving and just moves to her spot on the couch with a huge sigh of resignation.  Poor baby.

#4: Mum gave me an early birthday gift that arrived on Friday.

It was well packed, and I mean VERY well packed.

I got new dishes!  For the first time in my adult life, I have a real set of dishes that match each other and I LOVE them so very much!

M and I put them to good use right away and we are loving using them greatly.  They are heavy and square and white and fit just perfectly into our lives. 

We even used the party platter yesterday for snacks (Perfect!) and the canape plates for chicken (just right for snacks!)  We love the dishes Mums, THANK YOU!!  We can’t wait for you to come and visit and try them for yourself 🙂

#5: I took Saturday evening “off” and was lazy after my Microbiology final and then Sunday I spent 4 hours weeding the property before taking a well-deserved break and setting things going for M’s Fathers Day dinner (Venison Stroganoff for dinner, strawberry shortcake with real, fresh whipped cream for dessert) and watching movies on TV (end of Cars, The Blind-Side, Prince of Persia, part of Beetlejuice (I can see why mum wouldn’t let me see it as a kid…ick!) and then switched to The Day after Tomorrow) while knitting on blanket squares.  You can see the knitting in the above photo if you’re interested.

What with work and school, there really hasn’t been time for anything else and knitting and spinning have gone by the wayside for a while now.  With the last month I have been tired and stressed and just plain worn-out all the time and I am so grateful that there is a light at the end of…well, this week.  I’m looking forward to being able to re-center myself with fiber and finally finish my Intentions project, getting back out on the road for running and just being able to take some time for myself to breath and not feel pressure.  I think that July will be about reclaimation:  Reclaiming the property from weeds regularly, Reclaiming our Saturday ritual of Farmers Marketing, Reclaim my knitting and spinning and running time and friend time from class work…just reclaiming myself from other things.

You know…there was something else I was going to tell you about…Now what was it…

Oh yeah…

#6:  In the morning of a random Tuesday, in the quietness that we both cherish, M asked me to wear something for him and I agreed, knowing full well that it would change our life forever.

A Good Thing indeed.

My friend C posted this today on Facebook and I thought I would share it here with a bit of my own comments after:

{Here is a nice piece written by Andy Rooney

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.
A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whomever.
Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.
Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 50 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.
A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest.  They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, ” here’s an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.}

I’ve always known that I felt older than I am…’an old soul’ as a friend at work pointed out to me the other day while we were talking about taking the time to watch the ducks dabbling about on the small lake outside her window…but reading this really made me feel like I had indeed hit the “50” mark.

#1)  I rarely ask M what he is thinking about…I just answer the question or offer a solution to the problem that he hasn’t voiced but is pondering.

#2)  Sundays are for football for M.  I do anything else.  And that is perfect the way it is.

#3)  I am so my own person…hence the knitting in public, wearing the clothes I want and the interest and activity in things I want to do.

#4)  I don’t scream or yell but am a good shot.  You have been warned.

#5)  Of course I praise for the little things because if I didn’t,  you wouldn’t want to do the little things anymore and the little lead to the big!

#6)  I’m not worried about my friends or about M.  Not only would the women I call friends not betray me, I know he wouldn’t either.

#7)  Why yes.  See #1.

#8)  Ok, so this is the only one not true but thats because a) I don’t wear lipstick and b) I haven’t found my ‘perfect’ red and c) I’m not willing to buy a bunch of red lipsticks to try.

#9) I’ve recently noticed some eye crinkles and yes, my silver hairs shine beautifully in my dark locks but, let me tell you, I feel much sexier now than I did 10 years ago.

#10)  My time is worth so much more than wasting it being around someone who is being an ass.  I tell.

 

As I tried to think of some witty way to end this post, I realised that everything that I typed sounded trite and twee and just wrong…but why does it need a snappy ending?

Be at peace, my friend, with your ages; real, imagined and soul are all YOU.

I’m knitting socks for M and these, these socks are flying thru my needles.  Aran/Worsted yarn on 3’s…perfect for mens socks and I’m to the heel already.

This is my first ball.  Now, as I started knitting these socks, I KNEW that there would be a yardage issue.  KNEW IT.  So, since there were not 2 skeins at the LYS that I visited, I bought the single skein, came home and promptly jumped on Ravelry to search for a second.  Yes, the dye lots would be different but for two different socks, I wasn’t all that fussed and I knew that M wouldn’t be either.  He has a second sock that is 1/3 another colourway for heavens sake…he loves them and its not a big deal.

I started my first sock toe-up so if I couldn’t find a second skein at the very least I would have two socks with matching toes and then switch at the same place for heels and legs.  Brilliant plan.

However, I got very lucky right off the bat and the lovely Sarah came to my rescue and she sent me her leftover skein from a hat that she had crocheted in 2009 and it arrived yesterday and I squeed and M cheered (he was happy not to have oddly striping socks again) and we opened the box.

Look!  Isn’t it lovely?  Isn’t it perfect?  Oh, I am so glad to have Ravelry and that Sarah was willing to part with her other skein!

But…take another look at those photos…do you see it?

Here, I’ll put them side by side:

 

See it now?

Yup, they are VERY different.  The new skein is much more green than the first and no where near the brown and seems to have much longer colour repeats.

Is this a problem?  Not at all.  We knew that there would be a very good chance that the colours would be slightly different since, of course, I was buying a skein of yarn circa 2009 to match my skein circa 2011 and since they would be making two different socks and since fraternal sock twins are embraced in this house, both M and I are happy, very happy, to have that second skein.

Want to know the REALLY interesting part though?  Take a look at the ball bands, particularly the part about colourway and dye lots:

2009 then 2011

 

Yup.  Identical.  Colour 1580, Dyelot* 38362

Curiouser and Curiouser.

 

*Interesting aside…”Parti” in Swedish = “Party” in English and I get this incredible visual of the hanks of yarn just having a party in their dye bath or the dyers just having the best time at work with music and dancing at the dye table.  Run along now and leave me to my delusions.

I distinctly remember when my mum would use this tone of voice (in the title) on me.  Part curious, part scared to find out, part expecting greatness, part expecting disaster…its amazing all the ‘parts’ that can make up our tone of voice, isn’t it?  I feel like I need to do, well, more than a bit of catching up with you, my gentle reader, so here it comes!

#1: Training

There have been a few types of training in my life over the last few weeks.

a) Running:  I have been doing a great deal of running, most important for me was the Seattle Marathon 10k that I ran on 8/27, the Saturday before my 30th year ending.  I ran it in 1:02 and for me, that was a HUGE accomplishment.  I have plans to run 15k of the  Point Defiance 50k (1 loop of the trail) in October and the hills around PT will really help me train successfully for that.

 

b) Certified Nurses Aide:  The second kind of training has been as a CNA.  Sadly none of my Health Aide training means squat here in WA except as experience so, to be seen as a functional member of the health care team, I had some training to do…6 weeks of it 🙂  I worked at a nursing home/rehab center and learned the ins and outs of providing basic care for someone and I have to tell you, it was both challenging and highly rewarding.  It was harder for me to work with the elderly patients with demetia than it has been to work with anyone else and I’ll tell you why:

They have lead full lives and had a myriad of experiences that they can’t easily share with anyone and are slowly becoming prisoners of their own mind.  With children there is the potential for the future but nothing says that they won’t be the next serial killer vs Nobel Prize winner.  With these patients/residents…wow…there is so much there…so much that they want to share but there is this block that is frustrating to them because it spoils EVERYTHING and takes away from who they are and reduces them to someone they don’t really recognise but feel that they should and…

Well, you get the picture…it was hard for me.  Rewarding but hard work.  Not difficult by any means, but hard nonetheless.  Graduation was on Friday and I’m registered to take the state test in November in Port Angeles.

#2: Moving

I swear, I need to buy my Mum a new address book with replaceable tabs because she must be running out of “C” pages because of me.    Maybe this one?

Anyway, after interviewing for a job, Mike and I decided that whether or not we got THAT job, we were moving to Port Townsend.  As we turned onto WA-20 at Discovery Bay we both felt immediately like we had found THE place we wanted to be.  Lucky for us, we got the job and are managing a 24 unit apartment complex on the outskirts of PT.  Lucky for me, the apartments are 2 blocks from the hospital (which is hiring CNA’s) and there are multiple assisted living/retirement/rehab centers within a 6 block radius (also hiring CNA’s).  See the hospital?

This was taken with me standing in the road directly in front of our apartment.  That would be Whitby Island in the background.  We are finally here full time after 2 weeks of backing and forthing of me finishing training and Mike splitting time working up here and being down in Hoquiam to pick me up with a nights sleep between the 3 hour drives, complete with hauling 2 truck loads of our stuff.  Sisu helped with the driving.

We have furnished the house with nearly all secondhand stuffs, the bed being the exception, and I’ve got to say that I love it all.  Some of it, the couch notably, is an interesting blend of old and shocking and awesome craft-womanship.  Mikes Grandma made the cover that you see and the original is a rose pink boucle with silver strands woven in.  I think we’ll stick with this blue flower for now but its possible that the pink will come out!!

#3: Exploring!

I cannot begin to give you an accurate picture of all the goings on around here but I will tell you that we have been to the farmers market twice (Saturdays from 9-2) and this past weekend went to the Wooden Boat Festival. 

We had a blast looking at all the boats and imagining what our life would be like sailing about and how we could make it a future for ourselves.  No definitive plans as yet but I’ll keep you posted 🙂

One of the most random and fun things that I found around here was that people grow an interesting plant for its flower.  Can you ID this plant? 

Hint:  I nearly choked on my gum when I saw it.

 

#4: Waiting

Today was all about the waiting.  My mum told me that she had send a box to my FedEx and since this is a new place to me and I’m not quite sure when the post or packages come, I wanted to wait and be sure to be here for the delivery and boy, am I glad I was!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Colin helped with the decorating of the box but it was the goodies inside that are really priceless!

A lot of my favourite things (Sour Cherry Blasters, Bovril, candles, books  and cute undies), some photo cards that I had fogotten I bought YEARS ago in Canada, a Tech-Tee from Jinny and (Not pictured because I’m a twit who forgot to get the photo) a HUGE Hedgehog stuffed animal like this one 🙂

Mine is cuter though AND came wrapped in an IKEA hedgehog blanket that I thought that I had lost or given away years ago.  I’m so glad that I was wrong and I couldn’t have been happier with my gifts.  Thanks a million times over to Mum, Jinny, John and Colin for my amazing gift!

 

#5 Crafting

Well, this is going to have to wait until the next post, mainly because I have yet to take photos of everything I’ve been working (and not working) on lately.

To start with…expect a longer load time because this is going to be very photo heavy!  32 to be exact but it is worth the wait 🙂

Second, this is Sisu’s post…and her perspective is a little different than mine but not by much!  I had to take the photos since she is still working on that oppositional thumbs deficiency.

Oh the places we have gone…

Mum and Dad knew I would be missing the beach and my long frolics on the sand but lucky for me, there is a HUGE swath of Pacific Ocean not far away AND I even get to ride in the car!!

Did you know sand could be fine and so light?  I didn’t and you should see me tearing off after those pesky seagulls…just like back in Nelson Lagoon 🙂

I had to pose with my people…

but its too bad that Mum didn’t have her camera to hand just after this.  Dad told me “OK” and usually that means that I can run again…so I did…directly towards a large moose-like thing with a person on its back.  Mum and Dad yelled at me to come back so I didn’t get a good sniff but maybe it will be there next time.

   

Mum keeps buying things that  I have absolutely no interest in at all.  Nearly every day she and dad are stopping at this not fun place where I have to stay in the car and then they come back and Mum is talking so much about how cheap and fresh and amazing the fruits and veggies are.  Silly Mummy.

 

But the icky thing shop is right next to the yummy smelling meat place and both Mum and Dad are sure to pick up a small snack for me each time too when we are out and about and we get out a lot!

They are also taking me everywhere with them…

Well…nearly everywhere.  Last week Mum and Dad left me with Grandma while they went to see Grandpa.  Before they left I showed them that I could jump onto a brick post 3.5′ high and then jump out of the front garden.  Can you blame me?  I didn’t want to get left behind!  Grandma bribed me with treats to go back inside and actually, it was fun to be with her and Bailey, my aunt-dog, for the week.  Grandma took us everywhere with her in the car and I got more treats than Mummy gives me.  I had so much fun and even was letting Grandma sleep with my Tigger too.

What did Mum and Dad do?  Well, they smelled like cats when they got home so that was the reason that I wasn’t allowed to go with them.  Good thing they are MINE and not up for adoption by any felines!  Mummy said they went to “Scablands” which doesn’t sound very pretty but she was really excited about it.

 

 

 

 

 

Mummy was in ecstacy over the colours that she saw and she was writing a whole bunch in her idea book when she got home.  She said it was awazing to know that this was hiding just off the beaten I-90 and it is how she imagines the Grand Canyon and the deserts of the southwest to look but on a smaller scale.  And further north.

There was one day that Mum, Dad and Grandpa went touristing in a place called Levenworth.

No wonder it felt like they were gone for so long…Kansas is a LONG drive!  Good thing they both came back.

 

 

 

There were some funny hats to try on.

Fun for everyone!

 

 

Even Grandpa got into it! 

 

Meanwhile…I was at home…patiently waiting…

 

Watching the wildlife…


 

 

 

Waiting for our next car trip because I have finally figured out my perfect chin placement.

My people don’t need arm-rests as much as I need a chin-rest.

I got to go touristing with my family this week and Mum said they had good weather.

‘Good weather’?

Seriously?

Well, considering where we went, it was good weather for the supposed residents!

While I wanted to meet some wolf-y cousins, my people were more in it for the scenery than the tours so this photo is the only touristing they did.

Honest.

Though there was a waterfall…

And we did stop to see some big trees along the way.

Well…I really got to know the trees while Mum and Dad poked about in the nearby bushes.

Blech!  More things I don’t like to eat!

In non-touristing news…

Mummy got her toes painted a shockingly bright “Neon Watermelon”

And it matches the pink in the yarn she is using to make Daddy socks

We make a good team, the three of us on our car trips.

Mum knits and navigates…

Dad drives…

And I help them both!



Ok, so I am not a professional ballet dancer like Seth is and I am pretty sure that children are not on my personal horizon, but I totally can empathize with his idea of happiness.  I’m boring and I’m happy being so.

My idea of a fantastic Friday night includes going for my evening run, coming home, showering and changing into old running pants, cami and sweatshirt, cooking an indulgent dinner (Friday =FRY-day) and enjoying every bite, sitting down with my knitting and movie and having my Canada Dry while sharing a bowl of popcorn with my M.  If I was “In Town”…well, not much would change.  I’d have dinner out, sushi preferably, and then head to a movie (yes, of course I would have my knitting with me) and then home.

Yes, I know it sounds boring.  However…

It makes me happy so I don’t have to justify further.  Just lately, I’ve been slightly confused at some peoples need for justification.

No, I don’t own my house.  I rent it and if you were me, I am darn sure you would rent too.  Buying a home in the area I live in is so far from an intelligent decision that you even asking means that you didn’t bother to think about where I live before you asked.  You also don’t know me well enough to realise that I am not really the own a house type of person.  Sure, I dream big but I also like moving every few years and unless I get one of these tiny houses, I dont think that its possible.  (But I AM really, really looking at building a tiny house for M and I.  Seriously.)

No, I’m not married and Yes, I do live with my partner.  No, I have no idea how that makes my Mum feel but I am sure she would have told me if A) she really thought it would make a difference in how I acted or B) if she was incredibly disappointed with me.  I do know that she thinks I’m a big girl who can make her own decisions and she has never had issue with telling me what she thinks.   I also know that she has made sure to pack things that M likes into the “hugs” that she sends via USPS Priority Flat-Rate boxes…something she never did for J so she must approve of him and I at least a little.

No, I’m not pregnant and No, I have no plans on being so…in fact, I am researching permanent birth control measures.  If you were looking to invest roughly $70k+ on something, a Masters degree for example, and had very steadfast beliefs that to be the best parent possible that you personally would need to be a SAHM, wouldn’t you want insurance that it would take some major interventions to derail your plans?  I would, so I’m looking.  Yes, M knows and is OK with it.  I know this because we talk about it at length.  I also know that we are both very happy with our furry family member.  No, its not a decision easily made and No, I am not rushing anything.

Yes, I AM very happy with my knitting and spinning and No, I don’t think it makes me “Old”.  In fact, I think it makes me pretty darn cool.  When was the last time you used something that you made from scratch?  I can take sheep fuzz and turn it into a garment that someone else can and DOES wear and that fact alone makes to tres cool.  And M thinks so too.  At least he will continue to say so if he wants more socks.  And he is even encouraging me to keep thinking about a new spinning wheel for a future purchase.  That alone is pretty awesome.

Yes, I AM happy being “just” a health aide and No, if you are not someone who has lived in rural Alaska and we haven’t talked about my job in depth, you have no true concept of what that means.  I don’t change bed pans and give baths, though I could do both.  Yes, I do take vitals, write prescriptions, give controlled substances, suture, insert catheters, perform blood draws, start and maintain IV’s  and treat the common cold and all types of chronic care patients.  Really.  “Just” a health aide?  Dude, if I were in a hospital there would be at least 3 people doing my job and I do it without their resources.

Yes, I do miss my family and Yes, they do know it.  However, they are all grateful that I live far away, as am I, because then I can tell them about my adventures, can send them gifts and they can send me “hugs” in return.  I have so much more to tell them and when we are able to get together, we really enjoy the time much more than if we were physically close.  The only real downside is that there really isn’t a chance for them to meet Sisu with me up here and they down there because that would be one heck of a drive or plane tickets for her would be a PITA.  However…you never know what the future might hold and my Mum might be able to meet her Grand-Dog yet!

I’m not a fan of  “coincidences“.

Too many things can just happen to happen at the same time in a way that is ‘meant to be’ and to me, thats just life.  Sometimes though, they can be a bit eerie.  Take…well, take right now for example:

 

I spent 2 afternoons planning a grocery order with Fred Meyer to be mailed to Pilot Station and then held off in the buying and shipping because I wanted to talk to M first about anything special he wanted it to include.

I wrote and posted “Eyes Wide” instead of finalising the order.

Less than 4 hours after I posted “Eyes Wide” about my internal and external preparation for moving I found out that we would not be moving.

That M realised that what he was doing was not the path that he needed to take.

That we needed to veer sharply.  Now.

While this was a surprise, I needed to take care of a few things ASAP.

The timing of the phone call was early enough in the afternoon that I was able to get a hold of my boss and retract my letter of resignation.

She was able to get a hold of HR and they were able to accept my retraction and welcome me ‘back’ to stay.

I had various friends around who could encourage and support in person as well as answer my email call for prayers.

I was able to cancel all my reservations for various hotels and flights without being penalised.

M was able to get on various flights and make it home by Sunday morning.

Mum reminded me that while some people are able to see their way through the mist of the future and determine that they are going Right There…most of us wander and feel it out a step at a time.

Which helped me remember that I LIKE to wander.

That I am Sisu Girl…complete with endurance, resilience, tenacity, determination, perseverance, bravery, empowerment, inner strength, an inner reserve of diligence, and the ability to face head-on and always overcome.

That I admire M for having the self-awareness to know that he wasn’t on the right pathway for him.

That I LOVE M for not only having the guts to get off the path but to think about me and the impact his decision would have on our life together too.

And that I am spinning Intentions: Courage and loving every red and black BFL fiber of it.

Coincidence?

I think not.  Just one of my many reminders of who I am, the life that I love, lead and share and the power of my partner and myself.

 

Topic #55

If you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be?

Bonuses: 1) Assume price is no object. 2) If you could eat this food with anyone alive or who has ever lived, who would it be? 3) Find and share a photo of what you’d like to eat or the person from #2.

 

If price were not an object…hmmm…nope, I would still pick the same food:  Pizza…Pepperoni pizza, specifically.

Not particularly Brothers Pizza…I don’t think that I’ve ever had it, to be honest, but a heart shaped pepperoni pizza is just right up my ally.   Fresh from the oven,  hot and melt-y, spicy and tomato-y and cheese-y…please excuse me while I wipe the drool from my keyboard…but oh, that sound heavenly right now. I miss fresh, hot pizza and I promise, its one of those things that will be first on my list of indulgences when I get to Sitka in a few weeks.  Oh how I have missed Pizza Express 🙂

 

I would want to eat my pizza with my friends and family.  All of them.  So that is a lot of pizza needed.  Really, there is no specific person to enjoy my pizza feast with because there are so many people that I would love to enjoy a meal with.  I want M to meet my Mum, sister and BIL and my adorable nephew, my uncles and aunts surnames of Austin, the entire community that I lived and worked with in Bellevue, WA, many of my HS chums, friends from college…oh my list just goes on and on…and then there are also my friends who I want to catch up with because its been years since I have really had a chance to sit and visit with them…I’m telling you, its a HUGE list.

Part of my pizza party is about getting to see and visit with people so much more than anything else.  I know that there is little chance for my entire family to ever meet M which makes me wish for it more than anything else.  I also miss M terribly right now…its been nearly 8 weeks since I saw him…so all I want is for us to be able to sit down over a simple, hot and delicious meal and relax and chat and just hang out.  I know that there are a few people that will be hard to see again because of geography getting in the way and that makes me sad and wish for just a few hours of relaxed conversation over a pint and slice to just touch base in that way that bonding over food makes possible.  In December I had a blessed few hours with Brightonwoman and her family and it was the relaxing with pizza and root beer in the comfort of a hotel room that really makes me miss the easy comfort of visiting with friends on an easy Friday night.

Some people might want the fancy for their special meal of choice…but for me, its pizza with my family and friends.  With the beverage of their choice to hand and napkins…lots and lots of napkins.

Once, a long, long time ago…

(Ok, so it was only 2007…)

I began knitting a shawl.

January 25th, 2007.  The Pacific Northwest Shawl in Schaefer Anne that I bought from the Loopy Ewe.

 

From February until July 2008, I had a love/hate relationship with lace.  When I moved to Anchorage, the shawl and the headache that was the scallop shell edging stayed behind in Southeast.

 

Mid-August 2008, the chapter of love came to an end.  I didn’t think about the shawl.

 

May 1st, 2009, I moved to Nelson Lagoon…200+ miles away from the mountains and trees that I had knit into the shawl.  I decided to reclaim the beauty of the yarn and the pattern as my own.  No longer would it be a shawl with meaning but just a shawl of amazing beauty, knit with my own two hands.

 

June 13th, 2009, I finished the shawl.

I love the colour of the yarn.  The pattern is beautiful.  The knitting is nearly perfect, with a few flaws…much like the knitter herself.  I am so very proud of me.

 

February 14th, 2011

For the past 18 months since I finished the shawl, it has sat in my bedside drawer.  

I love it.  It is beautiful.  I am so amazed at my skill as a knitter that I could create something this beautiful and enveloping.

However…I have never been able to wear the shawl without feeling a)hateful, b)sad and c) resentful.

I put so many hours into something that would never be worn for its original intention and that made me both angry and sad and angry again because I was sad.  I tried to reclaim the amazingness as something that was a work of love of myself but despite all my best effort, all I could feel was resentment because it was always a reminder of a very specific life path.

I had no desire to have this beautiful piece of work, what was to be a wedding shawl, laying wadded in a drawer  because of sadness, resentment and hate.

So in my final act of love with this shawl, I frogged it.

It is because my love of myself and M’s love of me that I was able to do this.  I know that I am worth spending hundreds of hours on something that is amazing and beautiful and in all my favourite colours.

I’ll reclaim “The World of the Sea” as my own and set sail with no more tangible ties what was and knit myself a new future with an amazing man whos love made it not only possible but completely painless to pull back 17 months of my life.  I want to be able to wrap myself in a shawl that reminds me of our love; amazing, breathtaking, beautiful and full of my favourite things.  A physical reminder of the warmth that he helps kindle from within me, that his words fan and create in me a flame of love…even when he takes me up a river and away from the sea.

Maybe I’ll rename the yarn, “The World of the Yukon”…