“The Last Half Birthday”
By Carrie Dahlby

My half birthday is here
I’m 29 and a half this year
And this is the last half birthday
I’m ever gonna have

In six months is the 30th
Anniversary of my birth
So I’m gonna milk my remaining twenties
For all that they are worth…

I’m gonna be a pink princess, sequinned and pearled in the next six months
Visit every Starbucks in the whole wide world in the next six months
Perform with Steely Dan every night
Bring a suitcase full of snakes on a flight
Quit my job and get paid to play Light Brite in the next six months

I’m gonna bungee jump off the Eiffel Tower in the next six months
Use my laptop to assist Jack Bauer in the next six months
Be featured on the “News of the Stupid”
Get that engagement ring from cupid
Record a Beach Boys song about some soup up in the next six months

My last half birthday won’t be perfect
Mischke ain’t even airin’
And some kids have to go back to school
But listen to what I’m sayin’

Now I’ll do all I’ve ever wanted
All accomplishments and no strife
‘Cause in six months when I turn 30
It’s the end of my freakin’ life!

And I’ll never admit my age again!
And I’ll never acknowledge half birthdays again!

So I will drive a pink VW Beetle in the next six months
I’ll eat my weight in Cap’n Crunch cereal in the next months
I’ll do everything that I never did
But been wanting to do since I was a kid
‘Cause turning 30 I’ll be as old as shipwrecks
Which is in six months

My 30th birthday is like Death Day
A respectable family sedan
I will learn to play golf and wear appropriate bras
And never have fun again
No I’ll never be young again.

 

I wish I had remembered to start this earlier.  Now I only have 8 days!!!!

(I first heard this song on Lime ‘N Violet Episode 48 but thats no longer available…You can listen to a sample of the song HERE or you can download it from iTunes.  I HIGHLY suggest the latter!)

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