“Having more people in your life just means having more heartache than necessary at one point or another.” followed by someones comment of: “The truth is, everyone will hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for”
I really never thought of myself as Mary Sunshine but those type of updates almost always get me to comment because futility and I don’t mesh well.
How about remembering that having more people in your life just means having more joy, happiness and friends to share it all with? That you will never have to be alone in your heartache, no matter the cause, because there will be someone there to support you? That most drama and heartache is self-induced and you need more people in your life who will smack you upside the head and tell you to look on the bright side of life because there ALWAYS an upside? I truly believe that if you walk around with a chip on your shoulder that is your belief that everyone will hurt you then you really will be hurt by everyone because you expect them to and thats what you are looking for. People will rise to your expectations of them.
“Everyone will hurt you”? Um, No. Not everyone will hurt you. Some people will hurt you.
Some people will hurt you intentionally because they think that it will make them feel better about themselves.
Some people will hurt you unintentionally when they are saving themselves…kinda like the near drowning victim who pushes his rescuer under in his attempt to keep his own head afloat…their intention isn’t to cause you pain but to save themselves from it and who can honestly blame them?
Some people will give you a sharp crack upside the head when you need a wake-up call, shake you when you are being stupid, be brutal with their honesty when you are being blind and cry along with you when you have fallen and are in pain because they share your pain.
You see, I see ‘hurt’ as something intentionally malicious and all-around mean-spirited. I am the first to admit that I have had “hurt” feelings and I will certainly have them again…but thats because the comments exchanged touched a hidden nerve or because there was a misunderstanding of good-natured teasing, not because the other person was intentional. Granted, if they were intentional, I will have written that person out of my life by now because the very last thing I need is to be weighed down by someone elses baggage because I have my own, thankingyouverymuch. The hurt between a child and their parent/s? IME, most of that is pain caused when the parent has let go, their offspring hurt themselves or learns the very hard way, and the parent aches with them or for their child-induced naivety to what the potential painful outcome may be. Most parents are working for the best, and work hard at having the best of outcomes in play and the child decided that their own way is the best route because it may be faster/easier/more fun. Granted, the latter might be true for a while but in the end, there are life lessons to be learned from the slow and uphill route and, as the parent/s have already learned that slow and steady wins the race, it must be very painful to watch your child get rolled for doing something that you were trying to protect them from. Learning is painful and children must learn. That particular pain is highly specialised and watching someone you have a personal genetic stake in do something that you know will cause them strife is a very specific brand of torture called parenthood and I do not envy you amazing people who do it. To me, that is not the same type of “hurt” that “everyone” will cause you because no part of it is malicious and not ‘everyone’ has a genetic stake in your life and its outcomes.
As far as being hurt unintentionally…take my experience of my break up with J in ’08. Yeah…that hurt a lot…but, again, it wasn’t malicious, it was to save himself and also to save me…and I’m grateful to him for that. I learned a lot about myself being with him and in the end, he learned that I wasn’t the woman for him. As much as I wanted to be then, I am so glad that he knew himself well enough to know it wasn’t best for him and to cut and run and because he did, I ended up with an amazing man who loves me just as I am. Win/painful Win.
‘Suffering’?…the only way that I suffer in my life is in the way that I DO NOT. I do not tolerate or allow myself to be around foolish people if I can help it because they make me angry and life is far too short to be angry with people who a) don’t know better, b) don’t know WHY you are angry, c) don’t CARE that you are angry or d) have no desire to change. I’ll leave them be and we both will be the happier in the end! I do not dwell on the pain or distress of any situation because there is always a bright side and I would much rather bask in the sun. M being gone for 10 weeks? The bright side is that he is training for a new job with leads to a new future for us and him being gone allows me to miss him and realise how much I love being around and with and M himself. To undergo, be subjected to, or endure pain, distress, injury, loss, or anything unpleasant…I’ll be completely honest and tell you that there are days that running is down right unpleasant, has caused me pain and injury and sometimes the sight of myself in running tights is quite distressing but the very last thing I would say is that I have “suffered”. I think I need to read the dictionary because thats how I define sacrifice as I give up something valuable, like temporary comfort, and get something better, like the look on M’s face when he sees me in the new things I bought…but then I guess that suffering very well can be part of sacrifice…but will I stay with “the one worth suffering for?” Be with anyone who causes me to endure pain, distress, injury and unpleasantness? Um, No. That sounds too close to emotional and physical abuse and I deserve so much better and really, anyone who is even worth my time isn’t going to expect or want me to be under duress.
People who hurt me aren’t worth my time and so I don’t give them any more than they have already taken and I have no place in my life for dwelling on pain or distress. Get Up, Get On, Get Away and/or Get Over It…thats the best you can do at any time. The people who truly, truly love you will be the ones who are in that latter group of “Some people”. They will be your wake-up call, your brain, your eyes and your tears when you need them. Those somebodies are the people who I make up my ‘Everybody’ with and I truly hope that you, dear reader, can see your everybody the same way.