How, exactly, does one make a life altering decision?
Does one think about it?
Does one just do it?
How does one weigh the pros and cons of apples versus oranges?
How does one know that the decision made IS the right one?
That one won’t be plagued with regrets for the life that could have been?
Because, when it comes right down to it, there are some things in life that are either Left or Right.
That there is no middle ground.
And how does one tell if the Right, the path wished for, is the right for always?
And know if the Left, though it means other parts get left behind for always, isn’t really right?
How does one choose which part of ones self to nurture and set to thrive
And which part to let die along the way?
How is a decision between the two to be made when both are fraught with emotion?
When either choice will mean the death of the other dream?
When making the choice means that part of ones self will have to die away?
When there is support from ones loves ones for either decision and only love and encouragement and hopes for future happiness to lift the decision maker up, there is still the decision to be made.
And how does one chose the Right over the Left or the Left over the Right, a choice that is full of thought and peace, when the decision causes so much pain in the consideration?
How does one not drive loved ones mad with their indecision?
Or, worse yet, grieve the loss of the other possibility without introducing a nuance of regret for what might have been?
How does one not stagnate while trying to decide?
Because there are some choices that have to be made on a timeline.
Because, in my world of dreams and pathways, dreams deferred take the latter of Hughes’ descriptions and fester if not tended to correctly.
How does one decided, when given such a choice, which pathway to take?
Frost is of no help here. Both ways have been untravelled. Both will lead to happiness and joy. Both hold trials and strife. Both hold the promise of a glorious future.
I appreciate the sentiment, “You’ll just know”.
It’s about as helpful as “Chose what makes you happy”.
I don’t know and I can’t tell you beforehand which is going to make me happy.
I have no clue how to put one half of myself above the other and be content with the outcome. This is not a new battle, it’s just the first time I’ve written about it. Every time I feel like I have gotten to a place where I am making the right decision for me, something out of my control has changed the entire perspective. It’s like being in a damn Picasso.
And time is running out.
With no hint of adolescent angst or drama I can safely say “There will be mourning as a part of me, a dream I have for my future, dies. With this choice, a door will be forever closed and a path will be forever chosen”.
And I am OK with that because, without death, there can be no life. I know this and I am willing to make that choice.
But, if you could help me figure out how the hell to make this decision between the two halves of my being, I would greatly appreciate a hand.
Because how, exactly, does one make a life altering decision?