Beautiful.  Stunning.  Elegant.  Attractive.  Striking.  Dazzling.  Lovely.  Magnificent.

Gorgeous.

And how does one define gorgeous?  Is it surface beauty alone or is there something more to it than that?  Those synonyms seem to denote merely to the superficial.  Which begs the question, who set the standard?

Why is “the perfect” defined at all?  Over the years, the specific qualities that make something beautiful have changes as people and their perceptions have changed.  Those waifs currently on the catwalk would have been scorned by Ruben just as his portrait worthy women would be covering themselves now.  100 years ago “pale” was a feature to be admired yet even now with our obsession with high SPF numbers (do you know how difficult it is to find anything with a SPF between 8 and 50?) and concern for skin cancer, it is still that healthy bronzed glow that is sought after.

I know that there have been many times when I have met someone and thought that there was no way that anyone could find them attractive…yet here they are, married with 3 kids.  That I have thought, wow, they are stunning, how the heck are they still single?  And the problem is right there.  Its all superficial and I have been as guilty as the next person for not really opening my eyes and seeing more.   And it wasn’t until just now that I realized that I could be seen in that superficial light.   As was pointed out to me recently, “Gorgeous people don’t come out to the middle of nowhere”.  When I asked where I would rank then, it was pointed out that I wasn’t so beautiful before.  Also recently from someone else, with me being the ‘that’ and ‘this’, ‘Who would have thought that that would turn into this?’

After hearing the ‘gorgeous’ comment, I was more than mildly upset.  I’ve always been cute, at least, I’ve always thought of myself that way.  What was I upset about?  That I wasn’t considered gorgeous before?  There’s crazy talk, that is.  Of course I wasn’t gorgeous and even I thought it was a stretch to think “pretty”!

Does beauty attract beauty or is there something more? While overweight I was engaged to two men, both amazing, beautiful people who I was blessed to have in my life.  Both are at opposite ends of the fitness spectrum.  While with the first, I loved his academic passion and homebody persuasion.  With the second, I loved the adventure and get up and go.  Now at “Normal” weight and dating the third I have a mix of all worlds combined…and I have to wonder, would he have stuck around to talk to me after our first introduction if it had been only 6 months before?  Would I have even registered on his mental radar? Are all the beautiful people together because they want to see themselves reflected in another’s eyes or is it because they want to be with others who spend as much time primping as they do?  As someone who only primps before a “big” event, where do I fall on the spectrum now?

How much of my beauty was hidden by weight…and how much has been lost with those 60 pounds?  How come no one ever told me that this is what it would be like to be slender after always being fat?  People will comment on my attractiveness now…Talk about one of those things that blindsides you.  It could be because I live in a place where nearly everyone is related by blood or marriage and feels free to be frank with each other, but really, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

And then I remember.  A year ago, I was no where near as confident as I am now.  I came running from and hopeful for a future that would never be and was completely wrong for me.  I expected perfection in another area of my life that I can not control and sorely neglected the one thing that I have complete control over.  It was in letting go of the former and focusing on the latter that was my change.  I was cute before, but now, now I am gorgeous.

And I know it too.

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