The past few years have held a distinct lack of blatent Christmas celebration for me.  Its the lack of family.  Period.  3 years ago I had a house to decorate, someone to exchange Christmas gifts with, a love to start to build Christmas traditions with, friends around and family to phone.  Last and this year, those things are distinctly absent.  Last year I was working and as I took Thanksgiving off, it only seemed fair to work Christmas when my cohorts had covered when there were more students around.  It was a very quiet time but a happy one with stocking presents unwrapped with a phone call to Mum, walkies in the park with Sisu an Luci in the snow and a very nice snack/meal in my traditional Christmas manner.

This year, not so much.  Its the first year I am really and totally alone.  There isnt anyone in this house with me, besides Sisu and while she can bark to guard the house, she isnt much of a conversationalist 🙂  I was hoping to be in the middle of a house and job move, looking forward to spending the holiday with my best friend and her family.  Instead, I am listening to Tim Curry read Dickins’ A Christmas Carol, have a stack of movies borrowed from my good friend M to keep me company and really; its OK.  Really.

I’ve blogged before about ‘alone’ versus ‘lonely’ and coming into a holiday is just more of the same.  The day before I got the news about not getting the job, I said to my Mum, “No matter what happens, I know that I am going to be OK and that things are working out the way I need them to, even if it is Plan B.”  She said that I was very brave and strong.  Compared to the sobbing mess that I became when I found out the other candidate earned the position, I wasn’t feeling so brave and strong.  24 hours later, I realise again that I am no where near Plan B.  More like Plan F or G!  But again, its OK and I know that I will be alright and eventually I will have a new path but for now, the one that I am on is exactly where I need to be.

Though I am alone for Christmas Eve and will be for most of Christmas Day, I’m not feeling horribly lonely, just alone, and thats not so bad.  I’ve spent the day playing with my brand-new Woolee Winder (a present to myself that just happened to come before Christmas) and while I wasnt so sure I liked it enough to keep it this morning while I spun thru bobbin #1, now that I am on #3, holy wah, I’m sure that this is the best invention to accompany a spinning wheel.  So even, so beautifully wound on the bobbin…just perfect!  Plying was just the most devine experience that I have ever had while spinning and the bobbin is so solidly filled with nearly the entire 4 ounces (there is about 13yds of laceweight sized single leftover).  Nearly the whole thing is 3 ply with only a little as 2 ply.  It will rest on the bobbin overnight and tomorrow morning it will be turned off onto the Niddy Noddy and then the twist will be set.  I cant tell you how happy I am with the WW and how this “trial/first yarn” off the bobbins has turned out that I will be tackling another month from my Spunky Club (March is next) on Christmas Day.

Tomorrow morning I will get up and make Peppermint flavoured coffee with Peppermint Coffeemate and savour the elixer of mornings while I read the Christmas story from the Bible and reading the collect from the Book of Common Prayer.  I’ll open the Christmas gift that my Aunt and Uncle sent to me and my gift from my friend and co-worker, M.  I’ll get a call from my Mum, Sister and Brother in Law as they open presents from me and I can share their joy with the amazingness of speaker phone.  I’ll go for a walk with Sisu on the beach and later in the evening I’ll cook shrimp to take to a Christmas dinner with the J/N family.  It will be a wonderful day, even if I will be alone.  Really.  I am loved, know I am loved and I love others in turn and because of this, I am never really alone.  HE is always with me and there is never a better time to remember this than on His birthday.

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