Mommy Bee commented on my last post “It’s cold here (if not as cold) but it’s lonely here, and that feels cold emotionally…I’d rather have cold fingers and a warm heart.” And sadly, I am feeling very cold emotionally.
I have few friends here in Anchorage, mainly because of, well, lots of reasons. #1 being that I completely expected that I was only going to spend 10 months here. Granted, that changed at the end of August when my relationship with J ended but in my defense, it took me into September to come to grips with the break-up and by that time, I was well immersed into my job here at the Uni. And that leads to reason #2. I am surrounded by young people, none of whom really want to be in contact with me because I am the “authority” figure and the all-around judicial bad guy because when they have a discipline issue, I am the one that deals with them. Not exactly a fun person in their eyes. Add that to the fact that 90% of the people I see are between 18 and 23 and my pool of people that I would like to spend time with gets even smaller due to lack of similar interests. Bah.
My friends are lovely though. Sam and Maria from work, Amanda from the dog park, Amber a knitting friend who I havent seen in ages!…and thats about it. I spend most days with Sam and Maria because that is who I see on a daily basis and honestly, most days I feel like we are three people with one mind we are so similar.
On the joyous side, I do have one steady friend and she is amazingly wonderful.Whats that saying? “Cold Nose, Warm Heart”? It couldn’t be more perfect or fitting. She is a wonderful friend and companion. So very patient and willing to sit by my side while I knit and spin. She is more than “just a dog”, she is MY dog, my Sisu. I dont think that I would trade her for an arena of friends and, in my head, it is wonderful that we can share the dog park with Sam and her corgi, Luci and Amanda and her dalmation, Cheif!
Still, it would be nice to have a human companion on a daily basis. It is easy for me to be jealous of my sister and brother-in-law who are pregnant, of my friends with partners both with and without children, just about everyone who has someone else! Loneliness. It is something that I deal with every day, with some being easier than others. I go for walkies and love my Sisu, enjoy my friends and try to work harder at warming my heart and warming my fingers too.
With all the fun I have been having with spinning, there has been less and less time for for knitting…until now! With some new yarn on the way (of course I needed to buy more yarn, why do you ask?) I will post some pictures tonight of the new projects in the works once I have uploaded them. Those and the pictures of already existing WIPs. And nearly finished spinning projects too…Lots to show off!!
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December 19, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Mommy Bee
yup.
((hugs))
I’ve been focusing on May in what’s probably an unhealthy way. Hopefully we will leave here on the May 26 ferry…hopefully we’ll see you soon after if you’re still there. I am SO ready to leave this forsaken place though. I think my depression has biological roots, so I’m stocking up on iodine and cod liver oil and vitamin B all of which are supposed to help me. Here’s hoping I have the dedication to actually take all the pills every day. :p
I’ve got a brother who’s single and looking but you’d probably have to convert 😉
The little Bear has figured out how to open doors, and apparently downstairs is fascinating because he keeps running off down there. I need to go fetch him again…he handles stairs beautifully, so we had stopped using the baby gate, but I think I may need to start putting it up again. Oh what a hassle.
December 19, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Mommy Bee
I meant to mention…I noticed you added my blog as a follower. It always makes my day when someone does that. Ya could say it warms my heart. 🙂
December 25, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Meghan
Hey there!
I found your other blog on the Alaska Knitting web ring and recognized your apartment as my friend’s old place, and saw that you knew Amber too! Too funny! I live up the other way from the market, and I’m Meghpie on ravelry- welcome to the neighborhood!
January 7, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Momster
Love your new writing and fotos! You know very well that I can identify with your lonley feelings but those too are ‘life’ and should be treasured even if they can’t be enjoyed. I am glad that Mommy Bee goes for all those healthy supplements and I hope that you two will be able to spend some time together in that ‘other place’ away from where you first met. You will ba able to show her the town!